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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* There will be a total solar eclipse on Tuesday. This is tough news for Alabama football fans. Imagine losing your first game, being told that "the sun will still come up in the morning,” and then it doesn't?
* The Nebraska Public Service Commission has ordered that the monthly cell phone bills of Nebraskans be reduced by five cents. I don't know about you, but I feel like I just won the lottery.
* Does anyone know a top-notch investment adviser? I'm planning to use the money to fund my retirement.
* Late last week a mountain lion was spotted near downtown Bennington. Man, that program to relocate York County mountain lions stinks.
* The normal habitat for mountain lions would be north-central Nebraska. This particular mountain lion had no choice but to move after the Deb Fischer family seized his land.
* President Obama accepted the resignation of CIA Director David Petraeus, who quit because he had an extramarital affair. This meant he was unsuited to serve under President Obama. However, should he ever want to campaign for Obama, he still meets the qualifications.
* Imagine if everyone in federal government who has an extramarital affair quit? That means that congressional fiscal cliff deal could be decided by a vote of 4 to 2.
* The Guinness Book of World Records contains an entry for longest scream. I believe that would be Rush Limbaugh on Election Night.
* CNN has projected that President Obama wins Florida. The reporter who made the call was seen driving out of the CNN parking lot with Karl Rove draped over the windshield screaming “Too soon!”
* On Friday, President Obama spoke out on the fiscal cliff, stating that Congress and himself need to work to avoid tax hikes. Using the words “avoid” and “tax hikes” in the same sentence was the toughest thing Obama's had to do in his entire life.
* The former president of Mexico, Vicente Fox, delivered a scathing assessment of Mitt Romney. To retaliate, Republicans are building a 60-foot fence around the former president of Mexico.
* On Fox News, Dick Morris, Karl Rove, Sean Hannity and George Will all predicted that Mitt Romney would win the election. Fox News commentators are making the prognosticating record of Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends look good.
* After listening to Chris Matthews, Karl Rove, Sean Hannity and James Carville on election night, I realized how much I miss the non-biased, understated commentary of Keith Olbermann.
* It's now reported that on election day President Obama played pick up basketball, and his team won the game. Dick Morris has egg on his face after predicting Obama's team would lose 110-40.
* Donald Trump tweeted that we need a revolution. Thank goodness for Trump. At times he's the only one making Chris Matthews seem stable.
* Joe Biden has been dropping hints he may run for president in 2016. Apparently he has a few leftover gaffes from the 2012 campaign.
* A man in Orange County, Fla. was reelected tax collector despite having died several weeks ago. OK, this is it - American voters are taking their love of incumbents to a new low.
* Interestingly, even though he is dead, had he been elected to U.S. Congress, he could have performed all his duties.
* There was just a 2..0 magnitude earthquake in New Jersey. To make sure this doesn't happen again, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has vowed to give up jazzercise.