Breaking Brad: Mitt Romney releases tax returns -
Published Monday, September 24, 2012 at 12:01 am / Updated at 6:53 am
Breaking Brad: Mitt Romney releases tax returns

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* On "60 Minutes" Sunday, President Obama and Mitt Romney were questioned in detail about their foreign policy views. That was an abrupt change for candidates used to appearing on “The View,” where the most difficult question is: “What's your favorite type of pie?”

* President Obama is going back on “The View.” He really has no choice. Last time he was on, Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg only had time to complete nine verses of “For He's a Jolly Good Fellow” when it was supposed to be 15.

* The Obama campaign just made a huge ad buy in Florida. It was the largest ad buy ever in Florida that didn't involve the oat bran industry.

* Joe Biden campaigned at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. I wouldn't say the Obama campaign is making sure Biden keeps a low profile, but next week he's being flown to Mars to appeal for the votes of our two rovers.

* President Obama just visited Wisconsin for the first time in more than 200 days. Residents wouldn't feel so insulted if Obama hadn't been to Iowa 7,000 times in that time.

* Our long national nightmare is over – Mitt Romney has released some tax returns.

* Mitt Romney released his 2011 tax returns, which showed income of $13.697 million. Or, as he calls that, “middle class.”

* Some say that Mitt Romney is out of touch with the middle class. There may be something to it. On Friday, Romney stood dumbfounded, staring at an Applebee's for hours, slowly repeating, “I have never seen anything like that in my life.”

* According to a report, Mitt Romney could have been a billionaire had he so chosen. I'm interpreting that to mean he was once offered the job of Omaha Public Schools superintendent.

* Mitt Romney is going to begin offering select supporters a chance to ride on his campaign bus. I believe that's the first sign of desperation in a campaign. “Vote for me and you can ride on my bus.”

* President Obama would criticize this as silly if he didn't have that other standing offer: Anyone who donates a million dollars to his campaign gets to prank call Vladimir Putin on the red phone.

* Jill Biden campaigned in Minnesota without her husband. Sure, if Joe Biden goes there, you'd have to change the state's nickname to “Land of 10,000 Gaffes.”

* Eastern Nebraska just experienced its first frost of the season as temperatures got down into the low 30s. It was even colder between Tim Miles and Greg McDermott.

* In a sideline interview during the Nebraska-Idaho State game, NU men's basketball coach Tim Miles said NU basketball has a recruiting edge because it's the only show in the state. Creighton students haven't been this put off since the BMW recall.

* On Saturday, the Huskers continued moving the ball with Ron Kellogg III in at quarterback. By the fourth quarter, Idaho State players were asking, “Isn't there a Ron Kellogg IV who can play?”

* Idaho State coaches chose to focus on the things that went right on Saturday. ... Well, they won the opening coin flip.

* Good news for Big Ten football teams: The tough part of the season is over. Now you get to play other Big Ten teams.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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