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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Bob Kerrey and Deb Fischer are going to debate on Sept. 28 at the Omaha Community Playhouse. Kerrey vs. Fischer. In Playhouse terms, this is “The Out of Towners” vs. “Oklahoma!”
* AARP has ranked Omaha as a great place to retire. Sure, this is a great place to retire. Just ask former OPS superintendent John Mackiel.
* Former Omaha Public Schools Superintendent John Mackiel is going to receive more than $1 million from a retirement fund set up by OPS. He also gets a pension of $200,000 per year. It's such a good deal, soon Warren Buffett will be the second-richest guy in town.
* Mackiel's payout won't affect the quality of the Omaha schools whatsoever, and it's probably just a coincidence that all the blackboards are being raffled off this weekend.
* Forbes magazine released its latest list of the 400 wealthiest Americans. Three hundred and ninety of them are sitting in the audience during the leaked Mitt Romney video.
* The leaked Mitt Romney video has been panned by liberals, panned by conservatives and ripped by the media. Other than that, it's been a smashing success.
* Things have not been going well for Mitt. Today, the empty chair Clint Eastwood addressed at the Republican National Convention issued a statement distancing itself from the Romney campaign.
* The first presidential debate topics have been announced by moderator Jim Lehrer. NBC executives didn't want Lehrer and instead pushed for Ryan Seacrest.
* At the initial presidential debate in Denver, the first three segments will focus on the economy. President Obama immediately announced he plans to arrive in time for segment four.
* On Tuesday, President Obama's aides suggested that Mitt Romney doesn't relate to middle-class Americans. The aides would've liked to have said more, but they had to rush Obama off to that $40,000 per-ticket fundraiser hosted by Jay-Z and Beyonce.
* Donald Trump said Romney should not apologize for what's on that secretly recorded tape. Sure, Trump hasn't even apologized for season three of “Celebrity Apprentice” yet.
* Mitt and Ann Romney just went on “Live! With Kelly and Michael.” I wouldn't say Mitt isn't tuned in to pop culture, but he kept calling Michael Strahan “Regis.”
* Joe Biden has now visited all 99 counties in Iowa. It's part of his “Gaffeapalooza 2012" tour.
* After arriving for a visit to the Solomon Islands, Prince William and Kate were presented with necklaces by topless women. In a related story, Bill Clinton announced that between now and November he will be campaigning for Obama exclusively from the Solomon Islands.
* Bill Clinton just campaigned for President Obama in Florida. Clinton is such an amazing speaker that by the end of his speech, Jeb Bush had registered as a Democrat so he could vote for Obama.
* Wisconsin fired its new offensive line coach after only two games. This Thanksgiving, Barney Cotton will give thanks he doesn't coach at Wisconsin.
* In California, a turtle attached to helium balloons has been rescued. This is either an unfunny prank or the worst college football halftime show ever.
* Some say the Kardashians are not as popular as they once were. There may be something to it. Instead of an athlete, a Kardashian sister was just romantically linked to a replacement referee.
* According to a report, the NFL will use the replacement refs for five weeks and then sit them down. It's the same plan the Jets have for Tim Tebow.