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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Former OPS Superintendent John Mackiel will receive a retirement payout of $1,011, 068.90. The 90 cents alone is equal to the entire amount spent vetting his successor.
* Mackiel is getting $1 million to fund his retirement. Who does he think he is, police chief?
* That's a lot of money. There are members of Mayor Jim Suttle's administration that have to work three or four years to pocket $1 million.
* In a secretly recorded tape released on Monday, Mitt Romney may have alienated 47 percent of Americans. The good news for Republicans is that in a tape released on Tuesday, President Obama may have alienated much of the remaining 53 percent of Americans.
* So many voters have now been alienated that I'm looking for a 2 percent turnout on Election Day.
* A Romney tape released Monday offended many Americans and a tape of Obama released Tuesday offended many Americans. In a big surprise, according to the latest polls, “None of the above” has taken the lead in the presidential race.
* Ohio is now thought to be the key state in the presidential election. Both candidates were at diners in Iowa when learning of this. Mitt Romney dropped his fork, President Obama spilled his beer, and they stepped on several tables making a mad dash to the campaign bus to hightail it to Toledo.
* A new Republican National Committee commercial features a cardboard cutout of President Obama. Just to clear up some confusion: The cardboard cutout of Mitt Romney is the actual Mitt Romney.
* The vice president of China disappeared and wasn't been seen in public for weeks. Intrigued, Obama-Biden campaign officials asked: “How'd you do it?”
* Democrats are trying to portray a softer side of Vice President Joe Biden. On the campaign trail, he's no longer going to offer to leg wrestle people for their votes.
* Hustler magazine is offering $1 million for Mitt Romney's tax returns. Hustler wants to publish the tax returns. Sounds like a plan to get Democrats in Congress to renew their subscriptions.
* Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid called a member of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission a “treacherous, miserable liar” and a “first-class rat.” The guy was actually flattered – it's very unusual for anyone in Washington, D.C., to be considered “first class.”
* The annual Street of Dreams home event is under way in Omaha. This is your chance to see a shower stall with more square footage than your present home.
* It's a rare opportunity to view a commode made of moon rocks.
* There is a lockout in the NHL. In a related story, Canada just declared a national day of mourning.
* On Monday Night Football, Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan had to remove his pants on the sideline due to a problem with his knee pad. The crowd began cheering. They saw a man in his 20s sans pants and thought it was Prince Harry.