Breaking Brad: Library book returned 78 years late - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, September 18, 2012 at 12:01 am / Updated at 7:11 am
Breaking Brad: Library book returned 78 years late

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* I read that vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan just appeared before the nation's largest group of far-right Republicans. I guess that would be the KFAB drive-time lineup.

* In the past couple days. Mitt Romney said he is a fan of Snooki, and Nancy Pelosi said that everybody knows that Romney can't be elected president. What is not clear is if everybody knows Romney can't be elected because he likes Snooki.

* On the CNN show “State of the Union,” Nancy Pelosi said: “Mitt Romney is not going to be president of the United States. I think everybody knows that.” What was really unsettling was when the CNN host gave her a five-minute standing ovation.

* The comment raised a lot of eyebrows. Pelosi would've raised her own eyebrow, but you know – Botox.

* Mitt Romney said he likes Snooki. Remember when our candidates used to say they admired Abe Lincoln and Thomas Jefferson?

* Mitt Romney has a new 30-second ad that's positive. A positive campaign ad in the 2012 election? Immediately after airing, copies of the ad will be whisked to the Smithsonian and Ripley's Believe It or Not! museums.

* Joe Biden criticized Romney's definition of “middle class” even though it's the exact same definition Democrats use. To pay off the $16 trillion national deficit, President Obama just proposed a $3 per-gaffe tax on Biden.

* In Belmont, Mass., Romney attended his grandson's soccer game. The campaign has grown so contentious, the grandson was playing goalie and in the second half Joe Biden scored on him twice.

* Mitt Romney's tax returns allegedly were stolen. The Romney campaign is dropping hints to the thieves. “We just hope they don't spirit the returns away to a country with no extradition treaty with the U.S. – say, Cuba.”

* The Romney campaign opened negotiations for the pilfered tax returns by offering to pay a 35 cent ransom for their return. When the thieves failed to agree, the campaign cut off negotiations.

* President Obama has widened his lead over Romney according to a new CNN poll. Of course, because it's CNN, only members of the Obama cabinet were polled.

* A Florida pizza shop owner gave President Obama a bear hug and picked him up. If Hillary Clinton is ever elected president and someone tries that, I'd look for a karate chop to the solar plexus.

* After hearing someone put Obama in a bear hug and picked him up, Republicans said: “Darn. We should have had Ann Romney do that to Mitt at the convention to humanize him.”

* In Chicago, a library book was returned 78 years late. Talk about nerve. The guy asked to check it out again because he hasn't had time to read it.

* It was not a good night for the replacement referees during the Monday night game between the Falcons and Broncos. So far the season has been marred by uncalled cheap shots, late hits and personal fouls. And that's just Jay Cutler to his offensive line.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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