Welcome to another weekly Bottom 10 ranking. The great thing is that with so many networks televising college football games, it’s possible to see several Bottom 10 teams in action each week. I remember when you could only catch some of these teams via ham radio.
1. Eastern Michigan (0-3): Lost to Purdue 54-16 Saturday. The definition of getting off to a bad start on the season: You lose a nonconference game to a team from the struggling Big Ten 54-16.
2. Alabama-Birmingham (0-2): Imagine trying to compete in the football shadow of Alabama University? It’s like growing up having an older brother who’s a combination Tom Brady-Brad Pitt-Neil Armstrong.
3. Colorado (0-3): Home games are such non-events that students have begun showing up sober.
4. UNLV (0-3): The Runnin’-not-so-fast Rebels fell at home to Washington State. There was a misunderstanding before the game. The guy dressed as a swashbuckler outside the pirate attraction at the Treasure Island hotel was not part of the show, it was Cougars coach Mike Leach.
5. Idaho (0-3): Lost to LSU 63-14 Saturday in a contest that was pretty much over when the schedule was announced in 2004.
6. Memphis (0-3): The big problem at Memphis home games: fans in the upper grandstand ignoring the play and craning their necks to catch a glimpse of Graceland.
7. Houston (0-3): It’s not easy turning around a struggling Houston program. Last time there was a challenge this big in south Texas, the Alamo was surrounded.
8. Wyoming (0-3): The Cowboys lost to Cal Poly 24-22 Saturday. Their next game is with Idaho in the Someone’s Gotta Win This Thing Bowl.
9. Coaching job security: Wisconsin fired new offensive line coach Mike Markuson two games into the season. I’ve bought strawberries that have lasted longer.
10. Indiana (2-1): In Saturday’s loss to Ball State, the Hoosiers claimed “the worst 2-1 team in the country” moniker.
Also receiving votes: Furman, Southern Mississippi, “cupcakes,” Chris Berman’s game calling, teacher strikes, Kansas, UMass.