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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* The next Bob Kerrey-Deb Fischer debate will air on MeTV. This is when you know candidates in this country have stale ideas – the best venue for airing their debates is alongside reruns of “Perry Mason” and “Remington Steele.”
* Omaha is considering a new liquor fee. In light of all the taxes and fees in town, I hereby propose a “fee fee” – a fee designed to help pay for the implementation of all the other fees.
* The Federal Reserve just launched a new plan to lower interest rates. Interest rates will be so low, if you open a 12-month CD, at the end of a year you'll owe the bank money.
* The vice president of China has dropped completely out of sight and has not been seen in public. The last time something like this happened, it was George W. Bush during the Republican National Convention.
* Ohio Sen. Rob Portman is playing President Obama in Mitt Romney's debate preparation. To get into character as Obama, the first thing Portman did was shred his economic plan and misplace his birth certificate.
* According to a new Fox News poll, President Obama is favored by five points over Mitt Romney. Obama was feeling pretty good until he remembered that Nebraska was favored over UCLA by five points.
* A Florida pizza shop owner gave President Obama a bear hug and picked him up off the ground. Obama has an image of being approachable. In case anyone planned to put Mitt Romney in a bear hug, he would don a protective, germ-resistant bubble suit.
* Mitt Romney's tax returns have allegedly been stolen. The Romney campaign cannot understand how this could have happened. The returns were left out at the curb overnight in a box marked "valuables."
* An anonymous group claims to have stolen Mitt Romney's tax returns. I wouldn't say Romney aides are anxious to get them back because they just offered a 5-cent reward.
* Several published reports assert that Paul Ryan's suits are too baggy. There may be something to it. Tuesday night George Stephanopoulos was reporting from inside Ryan's jacket.
* Police in Malaysia shut down a car detail place with a unique offer – “free sex after nine car washes.” I believe this was the economic plan that Bill Clinton outlined in his speech at the Democratic National Convention.
* A new strip club tax has gone into effect in Illinois. If Democrats really want to stimulate the economy, they should have moved their convention from North Carolina to Chicago and put a serious dent in the national debt.
* The Ford Escape has been recalled for the third time in three months. You can now go over your mileage warranty just driving to the dealership after recalls.
* Arkansas State is being paid $1 million to come to Lincoln, a record for a Husker opponent. The team's tunnel walk song is Pink Floyd's “Money.”
* College football attendance is down this year. Maybe fans are tired of watching powerhouses play the East Central School of Mines and Land Development in nonconference games.
* Tiger Woods has just topped $100 million in career earnings. That includes the $79.43 he's earned since 2009.