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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* There was a water-main break at 33rd and Leavenworth Streets on Wednesday morning in Omaha. Traffic is being rerouted. The big challenge is finding an intersection not already dealing with its own water-main break to route traffic to.
* The Democratic National Convention is being held at the Time Warner Cable Arena. When you combine the efficiency of the Obama administration with the speed of a cable company, I look for things to run 27 hours behind schedule.
* Storms threaten the Democratic convention, too. I have newfound respect for Mother Nature – she dislikes both parties.
* The Democratic National Convention lasts only three days. Any longer than that and Obama would have wanted to leave and go on vacation.
* The Democratic National Convention is a little different. Instead of applause, Obama asked delegates to show their approval by tossing campaign cash on stage.
* The big buzz is about which chic clothing designer made Michelle Obama's gown. We're $16 trillion in debt – she should have gone with something from the Gap or Old Navy.
* I hate to see people become so petty that they're worried about what Mrs. Obama wore. I call for a return to the old days, when we chose a president based on which of the two candidates is taller.
* Actresses Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman may speak at the convention. The Democrats have lots of celebrities to choose from. At the Republican National Convention, after you get past Clint Eastwood, the next biggest celebrity is the lady from the Bounty paper towel ads.
* It's only a three-day convention. This way Joe Biden is limited to about seven major gaffes.
* CNN has produced a documentary on President Obama. Well, it isn't really a documentary. It's more of a love story.
* There's talk that the Obama family pastor may speak at the convention. I'm not sure what the first thing Obama will say to his family pastor is, but my guess would be: “Nice to meet you.”
* President Obama's speech Thursday night will take place at Bank of America Stadium. The theme is expected to be trust. This will be the biggest speech ever about trust in a stadium named for an entity that keeps 9-cent pens on chains so customers can't steal them.
* On the first day of the convention, a catered lunch was late. President Obama immediately blamed the delay on the George W. Bush administration.
* Some Republicans say giving Bill Clinton a prominent position at the convention proves Democrats are desperate. No, I think if they gave Roger Clinton a prominent position at the convention it'd prove they're desperate.
* Before his alma mater Miami of Ohio played Ohio State on Saturday, Paul Ryan gave the team a lackluster pep talk where he said: “Your best is what you got. We're really proud of you. Go out there and ... make it count.” If Ryan had been around then, he would have told Notre Dame to “go out and keep it respectable for the Gipper.”