Dear Annie: My husband, a pastor, was asked to perform the wedding of our son’s friend. This involved two trips out of town. For the wedding, we had to drive more than 250 miles round-trip, board our dog for two days and pay for our own motel room, even though the bride said they would take care of it. The weekend cost us $230.
This is my gripe: My husband was not given a dime for his services. When I mentioned to him that in the future he might make it a condition of doing a wedding that his travel expenses be covered, he shrugged and said, “They probably couldn’t afford it.” But they were able to afford everything else, plus a honeymoon!
This is not the first time he’s been stiffed, although bridal etiquette says it is customary to pay the clergyman $150 to $500 for his services. One couple offered to take us to dinner, but never did.
Please tell bridal couples to be considerate of the clergyperson who has sacrificed to officiate at your wedding. You would not hesitate to pay the limo driver or the stylist who does your hair. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.
Pastor’s Wife in the Northwest
Dear Wife: The person who performs the service should be paid after the ceremony, preferably in an envelope along with a note of appreciation. Travel expenses also should be covered. Bridal couples can inquire about the fee at the church or synagogue office. But if your husband routinely goes unpaid, he could be a bit more assertive at the time he is asked to officiate by saying, “Please call the church office about the fee.”
Dear Annie: I can identify with “Married to an Octopus.” I have been married for 30 years and grabbed for most of them. Explaining that this was more of an assault and an embarrassment rather than a form of affection fell on deaf ears.
Here’s what finally worked. I started grabbing him. I wasn’t rough, but the mere threat to my husband’s manhood finally drove home the point that his octopus hands were unpleasant.
I also would like to suggest to “Married” that her lack of interest in sex may be less about her health and more about a negative association she has developed with her husband’s touch.
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