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* This is the time of year when two-a-days are winding down. Of course I'm talking about Joe Biden's two gaffes per day.
* After hearing that Lance Armstrong was banned for life and stripped of all seven Tour de France titles, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa and Roger Clemens said, "Well, we picked the right sport."
* I was up most of Thursday night trying to come to grips with the fact that I now have as many Tour de France titles as Lance Armstrong.
* The Saturday forecast calls for up to 2 inches of precipitation for central and eastern Nebraska. An excited Deb Fischer asked her advisers, "Can a debate be rained out?"
* Security at the Nebraska State Fair this weekend will be extremely tight. That's mostly to keep Deb Fischer from fleeing before the debate with Bob Kerrey.
* At least because the Kerrey-Fischer debate is in Nebraska, Fischer has home-field advantage.
* There will be a 15-minute intermission during the debate so Fischer can demonstrate her “trick roping.”
* The State Fair features racing pigs, tractor contests and soil judging. If Mrs. Bob Kerrey accompanies her husband, it will be reminiscent of the Eva Gabor character arriving at “Green Acres.”
* A British adventurer is swimming from Chamberlain, S.D., to St. Louis in the Missouri River. Fortunately, from eating British food all his life he's built up an immunity to dangerous toxins.
* He should have come last year – he could have swam the Missouri River down Abbott Drive.
* The U.S. Postal Service lost $5.2 billion in its third fiscal quarter. That's the biggest loss all year not involving a Facebook IPO investor.
* The big story is that 90 mph wind heading toward the Republican Convention. But enough about Meghan McCain.
* Tropical Storm Isaac may threaten the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Fla. I knew that President Obama was well-connected, but this is truly impressive.
* Winds could be so strong that a Republican delegate under 55 is blown into the convention hall.
* Singer Dee Snider asked Paul Ryan to stop playing the Twisted Sister hit “We're Not Gonna Take It” at campaign events. Instead, Ryan will just have to play one of Twisted Sister's other hits – oh, wait, there aren't any.
* August has not been kind of Vice President Joe Biden. I think Lance Armstrong is having a better month.
* Biden compared Republican leaders to squealing pigs. The big difference is squealing pigs are more likely to release their tax returns for the past 10 years
* Biden compared Republicans to squealing pigs. Ted Nugent told him, “Dude, you're too outspoken.”
* The GOP convention begins Monday; all Republicans know that. Well, except George W. Bush. Republican leaders told him to show up Friday around 6 p.m.
* Iowa U.S. Representative Steve King proposed making English the official language of the U.S. To offer support, you can call an 800 number. For English, press one. For Spanish, press two. For Chinese, press three ...
* Rick Santorum will speak at the Republican convention. His speech is titled, “Vote for Romney. He's kinda, sorta the best man for the job.”
* In Florida, a topless woman led cops on a high-speed chase. She was pursued by 15 squad cars and 85 Democratic congressmen.
* In Phoenix before a game, Major League Baseball umpire Jim Joyce administered CPR, likely saving the life of a fan who had collapsed. You know how it goes with umpires – by the sixth inning, the fan he saved was booing him.
* During a recent practice, 20 New York Jets brawled on the sideline. Tim Tebow does bring a stabilizing presence to the Jets. Unlike last year, the cheerleaders weren't involved.
* The first female NFL referee made her debut in a game between San Diego and Green Bay. She said she had a lot to be grateful for, especially that the Raiders weren't playing.
* David Feherty let John Daly hit a tee shot from his mouth. This means that guy who walked across Niagara Falls on a tightrope is only the second bravest daredevil in the world.