* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's morning edition
* Startling new photos have been sent back from the Mars rover. If you look closely, in the background you can see Deb Fischer hiding to avoid debating Bob Kerrey.
* A quick programming note: This weekend a special edition of “America's Most Wanted” will be devoted exclusively to Lincolnites who watered their lawns on the wrong day of the week.
* At the Nebraska State Fair, an attempt for the biggest tractor parade will be made, with 800 tractors heading down a road. Eight hundred tractors is gonna look a lot like the Romney delegation driving through rural Iowa.
* The Azores Islands were threatened by Hurricane Gordon, which is described as unstable and having 100 mph winds. Sounds more like Hurricane Joe Biden.
* President Obama to Mitt Romney: “You can't just make stuff up.” To which 900 candidates and campaign managers from both parties immediately responded, “You can't? Are you sure about that?”
* Sen. John McCain will have a prime speaking position at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Fla.. Conversely, that week former President George W. Bush was given two tickets to a fishing contest in Copenhagen.
* Several of Joe Biden's Secret Service agents are reportedly suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repeatedly having to extricate Biden's foot from his mouth.
* This just in: For the rest of the campaign, Joe Biden will be traveling with Ted Nugent and Hank Williams Jr. so Biden seems stable by comparison.
* On Sunday, the Obamas were photographed attending their “family church.” It's a special denomination where members of the congregation only show up every four years right before the election.
* More than 20 people fainted at an Obama rally in Virginia. I believe this happened right after the president mentioned he skipped a round of golf to be there.
* A woman in West Des Moines, Iowa, was arrested for allegedly attacking her husband because he forgot her 40th birthday. Instead, she should be thanking him.
* A 4-year-old boy called 911 for help with his arithmetic. Based on transcripts of 911 calls that go public, kindergarten math is over the heads of most 911 operators.
* If you've ever had to do arithmetic homework, you know this was entirely justified.
* A group of UNO students have been visiting Cuba. Someone was asked how life was living under totalitarian rule. And the UNO kids said,"The Board of Regents isn't that bad."
* There's a new wedding trend – brides cutting deals before the ceremony to sell their wedding gowns. It takes some of the romance out of the big day when the bride's going, “Get the show on the road. The people from eBay will be here to pick up the dress in 20 minutes.”
* Basketball star Akoy Agau is staying at Omaha Central. Well, actually, now the school is called Akoy Agau High.