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Brad's afternoon edition
* Augusta National Golf Club has just named its first two female members, one of whom is Condoleezza Rice. So it is possible for a woman to be admitted to Augusta. She just has to be a wealthy, famous, former Secretary of State with international influence.
* I was off last week, which meant I missed Joe Biden's latest 17 flubs.
* The Mitt Romney campaign had a huge announcement on Monday. Unfortunately, nobody knows what that announcement was, as every member of the media assembled for the press conference ran out of the room after Taylor Swift's new boyfriend was spotted across the street.
* The award for Best Lawn in Lincoln will be awarded at the Lincoln city jail, where the winner is currently incarcerated for watering his lawn too often.
* The Omaha area is getting its third Pier One Imports store. At this rate, by 2080 the city will be composed entirely of wicker.
* With three Pier One Imports, there’s no excuse for anyone in town being unable to get good magenta tea leaf burner.
* Secret tunnels under the Arizona-Mexican border contain air conditioning, excellent lighting, art work, hydraulic trains - wait, my mistake, that was actually an artist’s rendering of what the Omaha sewer system will look like after the upgrade.
* Bo Pelini has banned his players from Twitter, saying “Nothing good can come of it.” If more leaders banned Twitter, young athletes today would have to learn punctuation.
* The 2012 UFL season has been announced. Following tradition, the schedule was printed on the back of a postage stamp.
* Seven athletes from Cameroon disappeared at the Olympics and are believed to have defected. This is not to be confused with Ryan Seacrest disappearing halfway through the Olympics; apparently Seacrest has not defected to Great Britain.
* An umpire ejected the stadium DJ for playing “Three Blind Mice” during the Fort Myers-Daytona Class A baseball game. This isn’t expected to hurt his DJ career, which is pretty much impossible when you’re already working a Class A baseball game.
* Gold medal gymnast Gabby Douglas is on the new 27-ounce box of Corn Flakes. At 27 ounces, the box outweighs her by two ounces.
* You can take a poll on your favorite Olympic moment - the breathtaking closing ceremonies; Oscar Pistorius qualifying for the 400-meter semifinals; Michael Phelps becoming the most decorated ever. My favorite Olympic moment: Seeing the guy behind gymnast Aly Raisman’s parents telling them to sit down while their daughter was winning the gold medal.
* Now it’s on to Rio. The summer Olympic Games occur once every four years, sort of like Big Ten bowl wins.
* In Zumbrota, Minn, a lawnmower demolition derby was just held. Compared to half the stuff shown in the summer Olympics, this seemed like a real sport.