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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* It's so hot and dry in Omaha, camels were spotted running down the Kennedy Freeway.
* At this rate, by late August, Lauritzen Gardens will be mostly cactus.
* A group of government and environmental experts met to discuss the drought. One faction blamed global warming, a second faction said the drought was not due to global warming, and then the Obama team blamed the whole thing on the George W. Bush administration.
* According to one report, Mitt Romney has chosen a running mate who has met the vigorous criteria to be vice president of the United States. Which means he or she has a pulse, a set of golf clubs and at least one good eulogy. And the pulse can be waived.
* According to a report Mitt Romney has chosen his running mate. Donald Trump said, "Now it's just a matter of whether we introduce the running mate on 'Celebrity Apprentice' or the regular 'Apprentice.'"
* President Obama's acceptance speech at the Democratic convention will be opposite the MTV awards. Of course, one will be a party-loving, half-dressed crowd searching for free sex and cheap booze; and then there's the MTV audience.
* When Secretary of State Hillary Clinton arrived in Egypt, her car was pelted with shoes and tomatoes. This sounds like the Egyptian version of our Super PACs.
* The crowd also chanted, "Monica (Lewinsky), Monica." In what may the understatement of the week, one media outlet reported that Hillary got a "chilly reception."
* According to a leaked memo, Joe Biden told President Obama that the Afghanistan plan was flawed. And according to a second leaked memo, Obama told Biden he could be doing a better job of trimming the bushes in the Rose Garden.
* I read that the Romney campaign and the Republican National Committee have $160 million in the bank. And because it's the Mitt Romney campaign, that bank is in Switzerland.
* Bill Clinton said he's perplexed over Mitt Romney's decision to only release one year of tax returns. Is it just me or when Clinton scratches his head and says he's perplexed by something, do you immediately think of Peter Falk in "Columbo" right before he nails the bad guy?
* The Wall Street Journal has been critical of Romney lately. If the Wall Street Journal is critical of a Republican, what's the New York Times gonna do? Instead of an editorial, just publish a Romney pinata?
* A man is claiming that Miley Cyrus' Hannah Montana body spray can ward off wild animals. Finally, a use for a Hannah Montana product - apply it to your backyard to keep raccoons at bay.
* A Dutch artist has turned his dead cat into a remote-controlled helicopter. I have never missed da Vinci and van Gogh more than I do right now.
* U.S. soccer goalie Hope Solo admits that she was drunk years ago when she appeared on the "Today Show." Even more stunning - Willard Scott and Al Roker were sober.
* In a tweet, Drew Brees compared BountyGate to the Iraq war and weapons of mass destruction. Which is a new low until the next time a sideline reporter compares throwing an interception in the end zone to Armageddon.
* Texas A&M freshman and likely starting quarterback Johnny Manziel was arrested for having a fake ID, failure to identify himself and fighting. This is the first triple threat A&M has had at quarterback in years.