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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Four finalists to be the new Omaha police chief have been announced. The goal this time: Find a chief who's at least six weeks away from retirement.
* I wouldn't say Omaha police chiefs don't tend to stay long on the job, but three of the finalists are from the Kelly temp agency.
* The Omaha Metro bus system is getting a $2 million upgrade, courtesy of the federal government. There's already controversy. The Metro bus system is demanding that the $2 million come in the exact change.
* After learning Metro was going to receive an upgrade, bus riders tossed a ton of confetti consisting of transfer slips so confusing nobody could figure ‘em out.
* Fewer people called Douglas County 911 with fireworks complaints this year. Actually, I think the 911 operators just couldn't hear the callers with all the firecrackers in the background.
* Apparently, there's some confusion over fireworks in Omaha. A quick tutorial: The fireworks until mid-October are celebrating the Fourth of July. From that point on, the fireworks heard are part of early New Year's Eve celebrations.
* During his bus tour, when he was in a small restaurant in Ohio, President Obama gave marriage advice to a young couple. At least he's more qualified for this than that economic advice he dispensed at the G20 summit.
* I just watched the most vicious UFC fight ever - wait, that was Piers Morgan's interview with Robert Blake.
* Joan Rivers has been speaking out politically. If there's one person who can put a stop to the political polarization and bring people together, it's undoubtedly Joan Rivers.
* Rufus, the Wimbledon hawk mascot that was kidnapped, has been found. If there was a ransom note involved, it sounds like leaders of Greece may be getting desperate to solve their financial crisis.
* According to a recent survey, the American city with the most bedbugs is Philadelphia. Bedbugs are everywhere in Philadelphia. It turns out the Liberty Bell wasn't cracked - it was gnawed on.
* The U.S. city with the most bedbugs is Philadelphia. The best thing about this news is that Philly sports fans will be too busy scratching themselves to throw objects on the field.
* Country singer Luke Bryan apologized for checking the lyrics written on his hand during the national anthem at the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. I knew it was gonna be trouble when he forgot the words and sang, “The bombs bursting in air ... the truck broke down and the dog ran away.”
* Bryan also checked his watch while singing the anthem. Was he going to cut it short if it was running long? “Sorry, folks. It's my bowling night. Gotta go.”
* The Seattle Mariners are hitting .195 at home. You think that's bad? They're hitting .212 during batting practice.
* There's more talk of putting a new NFL team in London. This would be the only NFL city where fans run past the quarterback to mob the kicker.