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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* According to researchers at MIT, there is snow on Mars. Ironically, there's just as much chance of Omaha Public Works plowing the snow on Mars within 24 hours next winter as of plowing our side streets.
* It has been determined that rats laugh when tickled. I'm unsure if this was the result of a lengthy scientific study or discovered by accident by a really weird scientist.
* Warren Buffett gave away $1.9 billion in Berkshire Class B shares. You just know some guy with $11 to his name is going, "Big deal - they're 'B' shares."
* There was just a mild earthquake in the Midwest. The ground was shaking hard enough that President Obama was knocked into a non-swing state.
* According to a new poll, Joe Biden is unpopular in swing states. In a desperate attempt to change this, the Obama administration is asking Biden to use his middle name - which they're claiming is "Rodham."
* At an appearance in Iowa, President Obama gave a shout out to "my homeboy" - a man dressed as Abe Lincoln. In an attempt to be equally cool, Mitt Romney tried to high-five an aide and missed.
* President Obama has left Iowa - briefly. In his absence, the president has arranged for a Barack Obama lookalike to tour the state.
* Joe Biden was in Las Vegas on Tuesday. The administration has run out of options to the point where the new economic stimulus calls for sending Biden to Vegas to play slots.
* Florida Gov. Rick Scott said that noncitizens should not be allowed to vote. Noncitizens issued a statement saying that since many came here to experience democracy, they wouldn't want anything to do with Florida politics anyway.
* According to a report, Chief Justice John Roberts flip-flopped in his health-care vote. Mitt Romney was considering criticizing him, but he changed his mind three times and then decided to just forget it.
* Hillary Clinton just set a record as Secretary of State by visiting her 100th country while in office. She visited 15 of those countries on diplomatic missions and the remaining 85 to get away from her husband.
* The new U.S. Olympic team uniforms by Ralph Lauren are described as "buttoned down and refined." This way Olympians can maintain a classy look until they take it all off for the next "ESPN: The Body" issue.
* Players in the Major League Baseball All-Star game were encouraged to tweet. The commissioner is throwing out all stops to make MLB relevant to social media users. Before the game he announced that World Series home-field advantage would go to whichever team has the most Facebook friends.
* Chad Ochocinco just got married. When they bride threw the bouquet, he stepped in front of the intended receiver and caught it.