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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Michael Phelps turned 27 on Saturday. Talk about amazing lung capacity. You know those birthday candles that can't be blown out? He blew ‘em out.
* Friday night, 70,000 people showed up at Memorial Park for a free concert by Huey Lewis and the News and a 10-minute fireworks show. I think it went to someone's head. Today the News announced they don't need Huey and are going out on their own.
* That's a big turnout. I don't want to rain on anybody's parade, but this is Omaha; the Rolling Stones could perform and half the crowd would be there just for the postconcert 10-minute fireworks show.
* At the present rate of exploding fireworks heard around town, by this time on Wednesday, Omaha will essentially be one huge firecracker.
* More than eighty fireworks stands are open in and around Omaha. Meals on Wheels and the Omaha Children's Museum even operate stands. This is when you know fireworks are popular in a city - our children's museum and Meals on Wheels are hawking ‘em.
* On Wednesday we celebrate our independence. Katie Holmes declared her independence a few days early.
* Speaking out on the U.S. Supreme Court health-care decision, Justice Clarence Thomas called it the second-toughest decision he's ever seen, next to the one to cancel the Nebraska football spring game.
* In lieu of a keynote address at their convention late this summer, the Republicans are going to play pin the tail on Chief Justice John Roberts.
* Michael Jordan's son Marcus was arrested outside the downtown Omaha Embassy Suites. The story is getting national attention. This should send the message that Omaha is a happy, friendly place - people even smile in their mug shots here.
*On Sunday afternoon, the major league all-star game lineups, selected by fans, were announced. Talk about election momentum - Deb Fischer is starting at second base for the American League.
* For the first time in many elections, Missouri is not considered a key battleground swing state. That explains that 700-foot skid mark left by the Mitt Romney bus tour at the border.
* Actor Alec Baldwin just got married. To give you an idea how fast things move in Hollywood, he married Katie Holmes.
* Actually, Baldwin married a yoga instructor. Which is ironic, since he's the one who's always bent out of shape.
* In Iowa City, a man was arrested for dancing too aggressively, and authorities are throwing the book at him. I believe that book is the 1832 Iowa City Municipal Code book.
* After watching the Swim Trials on NBC, people around the world now think it's an American tradition for victorious athletes to sign a phone booth before accepting their medals.
* Breaking news: On the heels of having downgraded 15 banks, Moody's just downgraded the Minnesota Twins.
* Brett Favre complimented Aaron Rodgers. So while most of the country is gripped by a heat wave, hell has frozen completely over.