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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* On Wednesday, the annual Congressional picnic was held on the White House South Lawn. The event was marred when Democrats and Republicans got into a bare-knuckle brawl when they couldn't agree on rules for the three-legged race.
* Japanese tuna off the U.S. West Coast could be radioactive. Americans say they'd rather their stomachs glow than miss a meal.
* The Supreme Court was scheduled to announce its decision on health care sometime between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. Thursday. It's a sad day for the country when the U.S. Supreme Court starts sounding like the cable company. “Stay home between 9 and 3 ...”
* On Thursday, Ann Curry announced on the "Today Show" that she was leaving the co-host's chair. Even a Japanese soldier who didn't realize World War II had ended said, “I knew that.”
* President Obama is intervening in the dispute over the Fast and Furious program. If this works out, Obama may even try and intervene in our economy.
* There has been a record amount of heckling of both Obama and Romney on the campaign trail. As a result, the first presidential debate will be held at Chuckles Comedy Club on Long Island.
* In President Obama's debate preparation, Mitt Romney is being played by John Kerrey. This is not to be confused with the campaign, in which Mitt Romney has been playing Ronald Reagan.
* The president of J.C. Penney resigned. He asked for a retirement package rich enough that he never has to shop at J.C. Penney.
* The Kardashian sisters were just interviewed by Oprah. She made them cry twice. Once after asking them a math question.
* A junior hockey coach in Canada was suspended after his team missed an opening ceremony because the players were studying. I'd say hockey love in Canada is out of control, but that's been evident since a puck was elected to parliament.
* The U.S. Olympic Track and Field Trials were on NBC. To try and interest a skeptical American viewing public, the NBC promos went: “Like "Wipeout," with a starter's gun.”
* A woman in Malvern, Iowa, who's been playing golf for three weeks just scored a hole-in-one. I apologize to all veteran golfers without an ace whose day I just ruined.