* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's afternoon edition
* Mitt Romney is on a bus tour of small towns. Some of these towns are so small that Warren Buffett has yet to buy the local newspaper.
* You know it's hot in Omaha when you spend half the day standing on the street hoping for a water main break.
* You can catch a shuttle bus at Mutual of Omaha to go to the CenturyLink Center during the U.S. Olympic Swim Trials. That's when you know the city is into an event: the 40-foot swimmer is outside the place where you just board the shuttle bus.
* The man in weird clothes spouting gibberish who interrupted the U.S. Open trophy presentation is named Jungle Bird. That's his legal name. You know, I had a feeling he was named Jungle Bird.
* President Obama is at the G-20 summit in Mexico. He's riding inside an armor-plated limousine surrounded by 200 security guards, which is how every American should visit Mexico.
* On his bus tour, Mitt Romney stopped at a roadside restaurant and ordered a "meatball hoagie." Fortunately, an alert Secret Service agent wrestled the hoagie to the ground before Romney could place it in his mouth.
* Despite rumors to the contrary, Joe Biden will not be dropped from the Obama ticket. Sure, Biden is important to this administration. If anything happened to Obama, Warren Buffett and George Clooney, Biden would assume the presidency.
* Mitt Romney just held a campaign event in Orlando, but did not visit Disney World. Sure, Romney is wealthy, but he's not that wealthy.
* JPMorgan chairman Jamie Dimon was due back on Capitol Hill on Tuesday. Apparently a couple of members of Congress missed kissing his ring last week.
* Microsoft unveiled new Surface tablets Monday. You know you're getting up there if you think a Surface tablet is a new type of medication that's easier to swallow.
* I read that there's a new danger associated with oversized cups of soda pop. If they get any larger, I'm assuming the danger will be drowning.
* The fired cast of "Real Housewives of New York City" may be coming back. This is basically the East Coast version of the zebra mussel.
* The first test tube cat has been born in the U.S. I only hope this helps alleviate the national shortage of cats.
* Former professional wrestler George "The Animal" Steele, 75, chewed the cover off a baseball before throwing out the ceremonial first pitch at a minor league game in Rochester, N.Y. If we could get the president to do this, it might restore some interest in MLB opening day.
* Some are upset. In my opinion, when you invite a guy named "The Animal," you can't expect everything to go perfectly.
* A promotion for the Triple-A Tucson Padres called for every fan who spends $15 to get eight free alcoholic drinks. A new study is out on the most dangerous jobs. No. 2: lumberjack. No 1: usher at a Tucson Padres game.
* The Charlotte Bobcats have hired a new coach. His name is not being released until next of kin are notified.