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Brad's afternoon edition
* To celebrate Queen Elizabeth II's jubilee, 1,000 brightly decorated ships sailed down the River Thames. A record that is expected to be broken when Omaha officials launch 1,001 ships in the Missouri River to kick off the U.S. Olympic Swim Trials.
* Elton John performed a huge concert to commemorate Queen Elizabeth II's 60th year on the throne. The evening was marred when Elton and the queen showed up in the same gown.
* A new "Star Trek" movie opens soon. This one takes place so far into the future that Omaha schools have a new superintendent.
* Joe Biden just spoke at a high school commencement in Florida. If there was any doubt that the administration is targeting Florida as a key swing state, it will be completely removed once Biden returns from judging the Tallahassee fifth-grade science fair.
* Southwest Airlines may expand internationally. Southwest should be popular in Europe, seeing as how the Southwest boarding policy is the aviation equivalent of the postmatch soccer riot.
* The Henry Doorly Zoo produced the first artificially inseminated tiger. You think you hate your job. "You want me to take this beaker, climb into the tiger exhibit and collect what?"
* In Plano, Texas, there is now a Cockroach Hall of Fame. Next time someone tries to tell you that Plano, Texas, is devoid of culture, show them this story.
* A Cockroach Hall of Fame. Exhibit A of why I stopped going on family vacations.
* After hearing the story, Pete Rose slipped into a massive depression over the fact that cockroaches are in a hall of fame and he's not.
* In rural Massachusetts, cows crashed a party, drank all the beer and then defecated on the floor. And this still sounds better than the last dinner party I hosted.
* A fist- and chair-throwing brawl broke out on the floor of the Ukranian parliament. This makes the Ukraine the first nation with a Jerry Springer style of government.
* A 20-year-old cellist from Rhode Island will represent the U.S. in the Miss Universe Pageant. It's part of a new plan to get cellists off the streets.
* Greece has brought in a temporary prime minister. You think the situation in Greece was bad before - now they're hiring temps.
* Two Ohio State football players were arrested for allegedly urinating outside a restaurant. Only Ohio State would get an embarrassing scandal off the front pages by getting caught in another embarrassing scandal.
* If Ohio State players are holding up a finger, it doesn't necessarily mean "We're number one."