* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's afternoon edition
* Bellevue Police Chief John Stacey is retiring with a pension and $212,800 in unused vacation and sick leave. After hearing this, 93 of the last 97 Omaha police chiefs announced plans to come out of retirement and apply for the job in Bellevue.
* I saw a lottery winner accepting his first big 8-by-12 check - wait, I'm sorry, that was Bellevue Police Chief John Stacey with his payment for unused sick leave and vacation.
* Paul Pierce walked off the court before the Celtics-Heat game was over. He's confused. Just because the Celtics are old enough to be eligible for preboarding at the airport doesn't mean they get to leave early during games.
* Alaska residents have been warned not to taunt cow moose. Thank goodness this edict came down after the three-day weekend, or there would've been nothing to do in Alaska over the holiday.
* A woman in Israel swallowed her toothbrush. A team of doctors that viewed her X-rays later issued a joint statement apologizing for laughing.
* Scientists are detecting more and more animal-like behavior in humans. Yes, I believe that's called Twitter.
* The Los Angeles City Council voted to ban plastic bags. This makes L.A. the only place where you can get caught with a baggie containing marijuana and do time for the baggie and not for what's inside it.
* The Social Security Administration is out with a list of the most popular baby names in 2012. If Social Security goes broke, we'll know it's partly because officials were busy settling the tiebreaker whether Jayden or Noah is the eighth most popular name for boys.
* NASA is reporting that 4,700 potentially dangerous asteroids are circling Earth and could strike us with the force of a nuclear bomb. Have a good weekend, everybody.
* Actually, it's misleading. It turns out that 3,000 of the objects are Josh Hamilton home run balls orbiting the globe.
* A man who paid $2.50 for a painting at a garage sale learned the painting is worth $100,000. Contrast that with my experience, where the $100,000 I've collectively spent at garage sales has resulted in goods worth $2.50.
* A NASA probe has traveled through the end of our solar system. NU basketball coach Tim Miles stowed away on the probe so he could visit a junior college transfer on the dark side of Pluto.
* A "psychic pig" is making predictions before European soccer matches. It's tempting to call this silly, but remember, it's a different culture. Europeans probably say, "Can you believe those ridiculous Americans - listening to Matt Millen?"