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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* The Council Bluffs City Council has approved development of a new Walmart. I'd be tempted to say this will lure consumers from Omaha if anyone in town still lived more than 600 feet from the nearest Walmart.
* In Clarkston, Wash., a Walmart customer is recovering after being bitten by a rattlesnake in the garden section of the store. Walmart officials are apologizing because the rattlesnakes are supposed to be in the hardware section.
* To add insult to injury, as the bite victim was wheeled out, an 80-year-old Walmart employee at the door said, "Have a nice day."
* Facebook stock sank on Monday. This Facebook IPO had a enormous buildup and a lot of hype, then basically fizzled. It's sort of the Wall Street version of a North Korean missile test.
* President Obama and John Boehner are locked in a stalemate over a debt-ceiling hike. I had to double-check that this was not an old news story from January 2012, October 2011, June 2011 or December 2010.
* Donald Trump has started giving advice to the Mitt Romney campaign. Instead of making the world a better place, Romney is now running for president to promote his upcoming reality show.
* You can tell Trump is advising Romney. During an appearance last week, Romney said solving the national debt is almost as important as tuning in to the season finale of "Celebrity Apprentice."
* Rick Perry has implied he may run for president again in 2016. Apparently, he set aside some unused gaffes.
* Ron Paul just got the endorsement of South Dakota state Rep. Jon Hansen. At this point, endorsing Ron Paul is a little like recommending that people drive Corvairs and buy Polaroid cameras.
* On a visit to a youth center, U.S. Sen. Scott Brown sank a half-court basketball shot. This is far and away the biggest accomplishment by a member of the current Congress.
* Mitt Romney admits to doing some "dumb things" in his past. Sounds more like he should be a candidate for vice president.
* Romney and Newt Gingrich are going to begin working and campaigning together. After seeing this, there's no reason North and South Korea can't settle their differences.
* An Egyptian man being prepared for burial suddenly sat up and pointed out he was alive. He was sent home along with a recommendation that he work on his personality.
* Reebok is designing a $12,000 shoe for the tallest man in America. It's a feel-good story for all but folks in Detroit, who've seen the values of their homes fall to $11,000.
* An artist just created a rendering of what enormous prehistoric insects looked like. If you missed the enormous 8-by-6 insects, just go to any game at TD Ameritrade Park in July.
* The fire alarm at a Connecticut high school was triggered because a student applied too much body spray. Sign No. 1 you went a little heavy on the body spray: 2,000 people are evacuated.
* The E! network is going to air a Tim Tebow special, done without Tebow's cooperation. That's nothing new. E! already has a reality star named Lamar Odom, whose team the Dallas Mavericks played half a season without Odom's cooperation.
* The Los Angeles Lakers have been eliminated from the playoffs. A TNT executive announced that in lieu of more playoff games, dejected network officials decided to show a blank screen.