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Brad's afternoon edition
* Omaha native Annie Gustafson has completed a 1,860-mile hike in New Zealand. I'm guessing she no longer lives in Omaha because the afternoon commute on Dodge was too long.
* In addition to secret service agents allegedly procuring prostitutes at the Summit of the Americas in Cartagena, Colombia, Hillary Rodham Clinton was spotted drinking a bottle of beer in a bar whose slogan is "The Perfect Place To Shake Your Rump." This is beginning to sound like "Jersey Shore: Washington D.C. Edition."
* The Tea Party has just introduced a controversial proposal to move Tax Day to February 29 so we only have to pay every four years.
* Olympic ski champion Lindsey Vonn reportedly owes $1.7 million in back taxes. That's when you have to file for the Wesley Snipes extension.
* The TSA is going to experiment with allowing elderly passengers to keep their shoes on when passing through security. The bad news: Now they have to remove their teeth.
* IKEA is now selling prefab houses. Picture that. Two guys sitting on lawn chairs under open sky beside unopened boxes and a tent. "Say, Jim, you ever gonna get around to assemblin' that house you bought at IKEA?"
* At a zoo in Scotland, jealous penguins are reportedly "pooping" on people viewing the panda exhibit. You know, about 10 years ago I said I have no interest in ever visiting another zoo. I just changed my mind.
* The tourists at the zoo in Scotland said they haven't been treated this shabbily since they visited France.
* The San Diego Zoo set up a "date" between two endangered panda bears, but so far no luck. Can you blame the poor pandas? I think if humans would be forced to mate in open-air enclosures while strangers tossed peanuts over the fence, the birth rate would plummet.
* The male logo on the Quaker Oats box has gotten a makeover. After being chubby for 135 years, he's now thin. Sort of like Charles Barkley.
* A woman in Delta, Colo. claims she found a maggot in her Wendy's french fries. In a sign of the times, she's just relieved there wasn't any gluten.
* The NCAA banned the UConn men's team from next year's NCAA basketball tournament because of a lack of academic progress. If the NCAA is going to start banning college teams for lack of academic performance, we're going to be looking at a Final Four of Harvard, Yale, Northwestern and Stanford.
* The border of North Carolina and South Carolina is being redrawn, which could mean some current North Carolina residents will live in South Carolina and vice versa. I'm beginning to think that the only chance anyone in Nebraska will experience the state university winning an NCAA tournament game is to redraw the border so Beatrice is in Kansas.
* The Texas Rangers have a new concession item - a two-foot-long chili cheese hot dog that costs $26. This means the average American can blow their entire retirement savings on one chili dog.
* It's promoted as something to be shared by family members. The obesity crisis will be perfectly summed up once that first photo of Grandma, Dad and little Billy chomping on the same chili cheese dog hits the wire services.