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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* There was heavy rain in eastern Nebraska Saturday. At the time the Red-White game was supposed to begin in Lincoln, Lil’ Red was spotted floating down O Street.
* Nebraska canceled its Red-White game. No ticket refunds will be given because the cancellation of the spring game was deemed an act of God. You thought it was bad when Big 12 referees were against us.
* There are no refunds, but tickets can be used to get into an NU baseball game. Why stop there? Make it sound more impressive. "The spring game tickets may be used for admittance to the Huskers’ second-round NCAA Tournament men’s basketball game in 2013."
* After the game was canceled, fans were allowed to eat concession food for free. And now, on Monday, it looks like another NU tuition increase may be imminent. Coincidence? I think not.
* It was a miserable, soggy day. For the first time in 17 years, new NU basketball coach Tim Miles briefly stopped smiling.
* The National Weather Service is trying to make storm warnings more personal. For the Jimmy Buffett concert, it warned of the "potential for severe weather outbreaks north of Margaritaville."
* Warren Buffett made a surprise appearance at the Jimmy Buffett concert. I’m trying to confirm that Buffett gave a shout out to his secretary, who had to stay home to finish her taxes.
* Buffett was asked to be there by the National Guard. In event of severe storms, Buffett was going to play his ukulele to evacuate the crowd.
* It was windy in Omaha on Sunday night. Wind speeds reached the combined tax rates of President Obama and Mitt Romney.
* A Democratic strategist said that Ann Romney "never worked a day in her life." I take issue with that. Ann Romney raised five sons, which is the equivalent of working full-time as a coal miner while simultaneously moonlighting as an air traffic controller-lumberjack.
* U.S. secret service agents who accompanied President Obama to Colombia allegedly brought prostitutes to their rooms. To spin the story, instead of "prostitutes," the Obama Administration will be referring to the women as "Independent, hourly workers with an entrepreneurial spirit."
* Orrin Hatch predicted that President Obama will use Mitt Romney’s faith against him. Rumor has it the president is planning to blast Romney from the steps of the Obama family church - wherever that is.
* A trailer carrying a 40-foot replica of a Confederate Civil War submarine is stranded on the side of a Tennessee highway after the truck pulling it blew two tires. Oh, no, now what’s Mitt Romney going to campaign in in Georgia?
* President Obama has been sparring with Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts over health care. Some call that highly inappropriate. If they think that’s bad, they don’t even want to think about Obama hitting up Roberts for a $200 campaign donation.
* The president of Mali was overthrown by force in dark of night. It’s looking more and more like that's what it’s going to take to get Newt Gingrich out of the Republican race.
* The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel endorsed Mitt Romney, calling him "the clear choice in an uninspired - and now dwindling - field." Today Romney said, "Thank you, I think."
* In other words, what The Journal-Sentinel is trying to say is that picking a winner from the current crop is sort of like being forced to choose the smartest Stooge.