Breaking Brad: Simon Cowell defends his bathroom -
Published Wednesday, April 4, 2012 at 12:01 am / Updated at 1:12 pm
Breaking Brad: Simon Cowell defends his bathroom

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition

Read Brad's morning edition here.

* President Obama addressed a group of Christian leaders at the White House. He told them he attended church regularly, cough, cough, every, cough, campaign season.

* There's talk of increasing the economic sanctions on Iran. To impose really harsh sanctions, Obama may send Ben Bernanke to Tehran to comment on the Iranian economy.

* The Baylor women won the NCAA Tournament. Instead of cutting down the nets with scissors, Brittney Griner ripped 'em off with her teeth.

* Washington Wizards player Chris Singleton bought $10,000 worth of Mega Millions lottery tickets. He wasn't deterred by the 176 million-to-one odds. At the beginning of the season, the odds of the Wizards making the playoffs were 180 million to one.

* An Easter egg hunt in Colorado Springs, Colo., was canceled because last year aggressive parents hovered over their children, imploring them to gather the most eggs. It's just nice to see parents reserving their competitiveness for the important things in life.

* C-SPAN's founding CEO is stepping down. This was actually revealed last week, but because it was reported only on C-SPAN, nobody saw it.

* Apparently, the C-SPAN CEO was aware that a new “Three Stooges” movie is opening and didn't want to face the competition.

* There's a new movement called Occupy Campus where people infiltrate college classrooms and then sit and do nothing. We've always had people like that - they're called freshmen.

* In Serbia, members of a “cannibal mafia group” allegedly went bad. Now, this is not to be confused with all the other upstanding cannibal mafia groups.

* A new study asserts that people who eat lots of chocolate are thinner and have less heart disease. This means Snickers has a better health care plan than any of the presidential candidates.

* Sponsors of the ACT and SAT are taking measures to block what some call liberal and pervasive cheating. For starters, no longer will students taking the test be allowed to phone a friend.

* Simon Cowell surprised a would-be burglar hiding in his bathroom. After Cowell insulted the guy's voice and clothes, the burglar fled in tears.

* A British man is OK after surgeons discovered a pool cue tip embedded in his brain. I believe this is the first sign that billiards is not your game.

* An estimated 73,000 fans watched Kentucky beat Louisville on Saturday. On Sunday, 73,000 fans turned out in Miami to watch Wrestlemania. The Kentucky-Louisville fans were just like the Wrestlemania crowd, only with rowdier fans.

* Tim Miles has been having trouble getting a hold of a Husker junior-college signee. That's a sure sign your basketball program is in trouble: Your top recruits don't leave a forwarding address.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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