Breaking Brad: Simon Cowell defends his bathroom - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, April 4, 2012 at 12:01 am / Updated at 1:12 pm
Breaking Brad: Simon Cowell defends his bathroom

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's afternoon edition

Read Brad's morning edition here.

* President Obama addressed a group of Christian leaders at the White House. He told them he attended church regularly, cough, cough, every, cough, campaign season.

* There's talk of increasing the economic sanctions on Iran. To impose really harsh sanctions, Obama may send Ben Bernanke to Tehran to comment on the Iranian economy.

* The Baylor women won the NCAA Tournament. Instead of cutting down the nets with scissors, Brittney Griner ripped 'em off with her teeth.

* Washington Wizards player Chris Singleton bought $10,000 worth of Mega Millions lottery tickets. He wasn't deterred by the 176 million-to-one odds. At the beginning of the season, the odds of the Wizards making the playoffs were 180 million to one.

* An Easter egg hunt in Colorado Springs, Colo., was canceled because last year aggressive parents hovered over their children, imploring them to gather the most eggs. It's just nice to see parents reserving their competitiveness for the important things in life.

* C-SPAN's founding CEO is stepping down. This was actually revealed last week, but because it was reported only on C-SPAN, nobody saw it.

* Apparently, the C-SPAN CEO was aware that a new “Three Stooges” movie is opening and didn't want to face the competition.

* There's a new movement called Occupy Campus where people infiltrate college classrooms and then sit and do nothing. We've always had people like that - they're called freshmen.

* In Serbia, members of a “cannibal mafia group” allegedly went bad. Now, this is not to be confused with all the other upstanding cannibal mafia groups.

* A new study asserts that people who eat lots of chocolate are thinner and have less heart disease. This means Snickers has a better health care plan than any of the presidential candidates.

* Sponsors of the ACT and SAT are taking measures to block what some call liberal and pervasive cheating. For starters, no longer will students taking the test be allowed to phone a friend.

* Simon Cowell surprised a would-be burglar hiding in his bathroom. After Cowell insulted the guy's voice and clothes, the burglar fled in tears.

* A British man is OK after surgeons discovered a pool cue tip embedded in his brain. I believe this is the first sign that billiards is not your game.

* An estimated 73,000 fans watched Kentucky beat Louisville on Saturday. On Sunday, 73,000 fans turned out in Miami to watch Wrestlemania. The Kentucky-Louisville fans were just like the Wrestlemania crowd, only with rowdier fans.

* Tim Miles has been having trouble getting a hold of a Husker junior-college signee. That's a sure sign your basketball program is in trouble: Your top recruits don't leave a forwarding address.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Read more related stories
Primary battle between Battiato, Morrissey may be only race
UNMC appoints new dean for the college of dentistry
Jeff Corwin hopes to build connection with nature at Nebraska Science Festival
Metro transit recommends streetcar, rapid-transit bus line for Omaha
6-mile stretch of Highway 75 is the road not taken
After decades looking in, Republican Dan Frei seeks chance to take action
Cause of Omaha power outage along Regency Parkway unclear
Ben Sasse, Shane Osborn try to pin label of D.C. insider on each other
Curious about government salaries? Look no further
Easter Sunday temperatures climb into 80s in Omaha area
Omaha police investigate two nonfatal shootings
City Council to vote on adding Bluffs pedestrian safety lights
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Midlands runners ready for Boston Marathon
Families from area shelters treated to meal at Old Chicago
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
A World War II veteran from Omaha will return this week to Europe to commemorate a tragedy in the run-up to D-Day.
Dickson’s Week in Review, April 13-19
On Twitter some guy tweeted that the spring game isn’t taken as seriously as a regular-season contest. What was your first clue? When the head coach entered waving a cat aloft?
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
Meridian Med Spa
50% Off Botox®, Botox® Bridal Party, Fillers and Peels
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »