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* During Capitol Hill hearings on Monday, Congress blasted the TSA as "ineffective and rude." Imagine having the current Congress call you ineffective and rude. It's like Dick Vitale telling you you're too loud.
* TSA agents drove to the hearings in Washington, D.C. They're not gonna fly - it's so inconvenient with the long lines and pat downs.
* There was huge security for the hearings. There's just something about a TSA agent undergoing an invasive body search that feels right.
* Two California men were stopped on Interstate 80 outside Council Bluffs, and 15 pounds of marijuana allegedly was found in their car. They then received an award: smallest amount of marijuana discovered in an out-of-state car in Nebraska or Iowa in the past five years.
* OPS announced three finalists for new superintendent. This is sort of like a less intellectual Midwest Spelling Bee.
* Movie director James Cameron just reached the deepest point on Earth traveling to a depth of 35,756 feet in a submarine. To put this in perspective, if you add up all the liquid from a month's worth of water main breaks in Omaha, it'd be 35,756 feet deep.
* Cameron was stunned when he reached the bottom and found a Walgreens.
* He said he had a feeling of "complete isolation from all of humanity." Having once spent a Saturday night in Lawrence, Kan., I know exactly what he was talking about.
* In his homemade submarine, movie director James Cameron visited the deepest spot on Earth. Ironically, he's also visited the shallowest spot on Earth -- a post-Oscars party.
* Michelle Obama is going to visit Omaha. You know the election is right around the corner when an Obama sets foot in Nebraska.
* Michelle Obama is known for her exercise program "Let's Move!" That's not to be confused with Bob Kerrey's plan "Let's Move To Nebraska and Run for Senate!"
* President Obama just returned from the Korean DMZ, which is covered with barbed wire and land mines to keep visitors from getting a good photo. It's eerily similar to Nebraska spring football practice.
* A high school senior in Indiana was expelled for tweeting a profanity. Meanwhile, Rick Santorum uttered a profanity at a reporter and continues on in the race. This may be the only country with higher standards to graduate high school than to be elected president.
* The high school senior was expelled for one profane Tweet. If we did this with college athletes, instead of starting with 68 teams, the NCAA Tournament would have just been two guys playing one-on-one.
* After an aide to Mitt Romney made a remark about using an Etch A Sketch to wipe the slate clean for the fall campaign, newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum have been lugging around Etch A Sketches. They're like third-graders, only thinner.
* The Etch A Sketch company mailed several boxes of the toys to the Romney campaign. Now several Democratic congressmen are encouraging their aides to mention a brand of scotch in hopes of getting the same deal.
* Santorum cursed out the New York Times and President Obama just blasted Fox News. These actions surprised a total of zero people living in the universe.
* Santorum was livid as he lashed out. Mitt Romney immediately jumped into the fray, announcing he was extending his proposed health care plan to cover surgically removing the chip from Santorum's shoulder.
* In West Des Moines, Iowa, a substitute teacher is accused of showing the kids home movies of nude people drinking beer. She claims it was a learning tool to teach students about the inner workings of the Democratic National Convention.
* The Joslyn Art Museum has an exhibition on loan from the Brooklyn Museum called "To Live Forever" featuring Egyptian pharaohs. Jon Bruning showed up to say we don't need those liberal New York/Egyptian ideas in Nebraska.
* An Omaha man who robbed a convenience store in the wee hours while dressed in a Cookie Monster costume has been sentenced to 30 days in jail. Ironically, at that hour, he was the most normal looking customer in the store.
* A man is going to attempt to sky-dive from 23 miles in the air. I believe this is part of Continental Airlines' new "super-saver discount fare."
* A 3.1 magnitude earthquake rattled Virginia, near the site where 25,000 atheists were holding a rally. By the time the shaking stopped, seven of the 25,000 were still atheists.
* There's a new rule going into effect in college basketball. Beginning next season, at the NCAA men's basketball tournament, Baylor uniforms must be made of a substance found in this solar system.
* The best thing about being a mid-major college basketball coach in America is that eventually every one of you will get your chance to be head coach at Nebraska.
* Tim Tebow arrived at the Jets' training facility in New Jersey. He's having no trouble adjusting to New Jersey thanks to his missionary work in underdeveloped countries.
* Starting Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez is expected to set a record as the first quarterback to take every snap during a season while looking over his shoulder.
* Illinois Sen. Dick Durbin called for an investigation of NFL dirty play and bounties. This may be a new low for the NFL: A politician from Illinois says you're dirty.