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* Mitt Romney celebrated his 65th birthday Monday. He told his aides to just surprise him, so they showed him Santorum's margin of victory in the Kansas caucuses.
* President Obama has not been to Nebraska since winning election. His rumored reason for not coming doesn't help his cause: gas prices are too high.
* Obama and British prime minister are going to take in an NCAA Tournament first-round game and be interviewed at halftime. Americans are so politically apathetic that two-thirds said at halftime they'd rather just see men in funny costumes dunking off of trampolines.
* I had a nightmare that Creighton men's basketball went undefeated and the NCAA selection committee still made the Bluejays the sixth seed in Butte.
* I'm sorry, but some of the schools with the best seeds appeared to be sucking up. Was it necessary to wave 11-foot heads of members of the selection committee?
* The opening of Lake Wanahoo near Wahoo has been delayed until late April. The delay is to give officials time to convince Nebraskans that Lake Wanahoo is not something that Garrison Keillor made up.
* The man who bid $8,100 to buy a McNugget shaped like George Washington has backed out of the deal "for unexplained reasons." I'm guessing the reasons have to do with realizing he was paying $8,100 for a McNugget shaped like George Washington.
* Brownell Talbot eighth-grader Julia Fiksinski won the Midwest Spelling Bee at Creighton. She honed her ability over the years by spelling "Fiksinski."
* She won a trip to the National Spelling Bee in Washington, D.C. These kids are so brilliant, I say as long as they're in D.C. we jettison all the incumbents in Congress and let the spellers run the country for two years.
* ESPN will televise the National Spelling Bee. It's sobering when you realize that Nebraska spellers have had a better chance of appearing on ESPN in the spring than the NU men's basketball team.
* House Speaker John Boehner said that Congress has some of the dumbest people in America. Members of Congress scheduled a Monday press conference to respond, but they were two hours late after mistakenly setting their clocks back an hour instead of forward.
* College football spring practice is under way. I saw a guy I assumed was a Southeastern Conference fan running across a field waving a Confederate flag. Turns out it was Mitt Romney campaigning in Alabama.
* Romney tried to win over Mississippians by speaking in the local vernacular. Does anyone really believe his new campaign slogan is, "I'm fixin' to do y'all right."
* N.J. Gov. Chris Christie called the Republican presidential nominating process "the dumbest idea anybody ever had," proving he's unfamiliar with New Coke, "The Real Housewives of Orange County," the Ford Pinto, the Omaha emergency snow removal policy and pet rocks.
* Mitt Romney won Guam after declaring it his "home island."
* Candidates always indoctrinate themselves into local customs. For example, in Mississippi Romney asked to eat grits. In Kansas, Santorum visited a family farm. Ahead of this week's Hawaii caucuses, I keep having disturbing images of Newt Gingrich belly dancing.
* Indiana is thought to be a key battleground state. I'm trying to confirm that Obama is dumping Joe Biden from the ticket and going with Peyton Manning.
* The Democrats are now the party of family values. Letting your brother use your Rockbrook Village house to register to vote, now those are family values.
* In Omaha, there has been a series of thefts of gumball machines. It's believed to be the work of a gang of thieves. Because one person couldn't pull off anything this brilliant.
* The gumball thieves better fear arrest; I doubt you get a lot of cred in prison for that. "Whatta ya in for?" "I knocked over a gumball machine."
* Scientists have decoded what dolphins in St.. Andrews Bay are saying. Now the scientists face a bigger challenge: decoding what James Carville said last Tuesday night on CNN.
* To record dolphins speaking, the scientists use underwater microphones. My question: How is it that the underwater microphones record perfectly yet we can't get NFL referees one mic that works?
* Pitt basketball player Ashton Gibbs said his team would welcome an NIT bid because, "That's why we came to college: to play basketball." On my list of favorite quotes of 2012, it's going to be next to impossible to top this one.
* After scoring two holes-in-one in a single nine-hole golf round in California, Naomi Lee, 12, said, "It was the most awesome day of my entire life." OK, I take it back.There's already another contender for favorite quote of 2012.
* The L.A. Clippers' unofficial mascot, Clipper Darrell, said team management asked him to stop using the name. To show you how confused Clipper management still is, they're demanding he stop using "Darrell."
* A new sport called Tazer Ball combines soccer, rugby and stun guns. This is nothing new. We've always had that - it's called a riot.