Premium ContentMouse over Home then click on Premium Content for information.Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.
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* The police chief of Los Angeles called for giving drivers licenses to undocumented immigrants. This should help address the severe shortages of cars on the streets and air pollution in L.A.
* About 6,000 quarters were stolen from a Lincoln car wash. Police are on the lookout for anyone who tries to pay their mortgage in loose change.
* Motorists were urged to exercise extra caution Friday morning. Not only are streets slick, but seeing how much the price of gas has risen since Monday could make you drive off the road.
* This weekend, Metropolitan Community College is sponsoring the ICA High School Culinary Invitational, a cooking contest for high school students. It'll be tough to top last year, when the final pitted canned ravioli vs. a Swanson Swiss steak TV dinner covered with Cheetos.
* Nancy Pelosi is going to visit Omaha next month to raise money for an Iowa congressional candidate. In honor of Pelosi's visit, Omaha Mayor Jim Suttle is declaring "Fake Smile Day" in town.
* After she does a little campaigning for local candidates, Pelosi is going to Lincoln, where Bo Pelini has asked her to talk to the Huskers about killer instinct.
* Nancy Pelosi and Barry Manilow are going to visit Omaha. It's part of a series sponsored by the Nebraska Society of Plastic Surgeons.
* Wednesday night, Animal Planet aired a special about species that eat its own. Wait, my mistake. That was actually the GOP presidential debate.
* Newt Gingrich said Rick Santorum does not understand modern warfare. Santorum has participated in 22 Republican debates. He ought to understand warfare by now.
* Santorum called the Obama administration "elite snobs." The Obama administration said it's reserving comment until after this weekend's beluga festival.
* During a White House concert Tuesday night, President Obama got on stage sang "Sweet Home Chicago" with Mick Jagger. It's the second time Jagger prodded a president to sing. The first was during the Stones' second farewell tour, when Harry Truman joined Jagger on "Satisfaction."
* President Obama is receiving criticism that he likes to appear on television too much. Obama said he'd have a response later, but right now he has to be fitted for his faux mustache so he can surprise Joe Biden on "Undercover Boss."
* President Obama reportedly said something quite profound yesterday. I have no idea what, since every media representative in the world is busy following Jeremy Lin, Adele and Kate Upton.
* Rick Santorum has received the endorsement of the lead singer of the group Megadeth, who is apparently blissfully unaware that if elected, the first thing President Santorum is likely to do is ban Megadeth albums.
* Scientists at Cal Tech have identified that smallest number ever seen. I believe that'd be Mitt Romney's tax rate.
* The New York city street performer known as the Naked Cowboy - who plays guitar in only his underwear - is running for president. He's being touted as "the saner alternative to Newt Gingrich."
* The Underwear Bomber was sentenced to four life terms plus 50 years. He'll be out in time to see the first game of the college football playoff.
* Southwest Airlines has boosted round-trip airfares by $10. That works out to $5 per square inch of leg room each Southwest passenger gets.
* In a remote section of Papua New Guinea, the last cave-dwelling people in the world have been discovered. They were found when a Girl Scout showed up to sell them cookies.
* A 46-year-old woman is suing New York City for $900 trillion for claiming she's mentally unstable. Rule No. 1: If you want to disprove claims you're mentally unstable, do not sue anyone for $900 trillion.
* But just to prove she's not unreasonable, she's willing to settle for half that amount.
* Illinois may become the next state to legalize same-sex marriage. The logic is that people of the same sex should be allowed to marry in a state where the dead are allowed to vote.
* While accepting the top award at a British awards show, Adele made an obscene gesture. If the winner of the lifetime achievement award does that at Sunday's Oscars, I might actually watch some of the show.
* Immediately after making the obscene gesture, Adele was hustled off the stage and signed to perform at halftime of next year's Super Bowl.
* Jimmy Buffett is coming to Omaha for the first time on April 14. Middle-aged single guys in Omaha are prepared - they already wear their Hawaiian shirts to the bars seven nights a week.
* Jimmy Buffett in Omaha. You think there are a lot of out-of-state cars pulled over for marijuana on Interstate 80 now.
* The Boat, Sports and Travel Show in Omaha this weekend will feature "duck racing." This sounds like something you'd see simulcast at the Horseshoe casino.
* Bo Pelini decided not to contest a ticket he got for running a Lincoln stop sign after he got the trial postponed four times. I wouldn't say Bo initially made a big deal out of it, but Clarence Thomas was planning to disqualify himself when the case reached the Supreme Court.
* Tom Osborne turned 75 on Thursday. He's is not one for parties. He planned a quiet evening at home reviewing resumes from basketball coaches.
* NU just added a 2014 home football game against Florida Atlantic. It'll be Bo Pelini vs. Carl Pelini. The game is already being billed as "Curseapalooza."
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