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Breaking Brad: Wednesday, Jan. 25

By Brad Dickson / World-Herald columnist

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Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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* The silent film "The Artist" was nominated for 10 Academy Awards. The movie is completely silent except for the 25 people in the theater texting and talking on cell phones.

* In his State of the Union speech, President Obama said the economy is getting better. He said the same thing in the 2010 and 2011 addresses. Because this was basically a rerun, it was the first State of the Union address carried by TV Land and Me-TV.

* In the TV listings, CNN called the Obama speech "The Holy Grail" while Fox News labeled it "The Evil Sorcerer Speaks."

* Obama did not mention the Keystone XL pipeline. He was obviously pressed for time in a speech where he was only able to devote 18 minutes to the plight of the endangered humpbacked Lithuanian tree frog.

* Because tea party members were present, this was the first State of the Union address where "No mooning" signs were posted.

* During Tuesday night's State of the Union address, Democrats and Republicans sat alongside one another. It was similar to North and South Korea, but without a much-needed DMZ.

* In the speech, President Obama pressed for economic fairness for all. Then he went home to decide whether to stay at the house with the indoor polo court or the one with the 2,000-square-foot caviar bar the next time he goes to Hawaii.

* Obama was interrupted by applause something like 150 times. The same thing happened when Mitt Romney addressed the National Association of Tax Preparers.

* There are subtle signs that the Democrats have a preference who they'd rather run against for president. During the State of the Union address, Michelle Obama was seen waving a placard reading, "Newt > Mitt, Heck Yes!!"

* The State of the Union address began at 8 p.m. Omaha time. It was a close call because Warren Buffett didn't finish writing Obama's speech until 7:45.

* Buffett secretary Debbie Bosanek sat in the first lady's box. Charlie Munger didn't attend the State of the Union to avoid a repeat of 2010 when CNN incorrectly identified him as "the last surviving Civil War veteran."

* Unfortunately, Bosanek had to leave halfway through to begin work on her taxes.

* Some say the speech was too ambitious and tried to do too many things. For instance, take the 48 minutes Obama spent on his plan to revamp the BCS.

* Several times during the speech, members of Congress leapt to their feet and applauded vigorously or angrily gestured. At one point, Sen. Mike Johanns got so animated that he blinked.

* The State of the Union speech was so long, in the middle President Obama left for a brief vacation.

* Obama appears desperate. He called for stimulating the economy by inviting Steven Tyler to sing the national anthem at the Super Bowel in hopes that Americans will spend billions on earplugs.

* According to his tax returns, Mitt Romney earned $42 million over two years. After hearing that, Urban Meyer said, "You too?"

* Romney released his return for 2010 and estimated his 2011 payments, but that's all he's releasing. His new campaign slogan: Read my lips - no new tax returns.

* More info is coming out about why South Carolina voters went for Newt Gingrich. Apparently, it was mostly because due to a technicality, Barry Goldwater was ineligible.

* Gingrich once made a global warming video with Nancy Pelosi. On the Republican scale of scandals, this is slightly worse than being caught with a Russian spy mistress in a room full of weapons you plan to sell to anti-U.S. rebels.

* In his defense, Gingrich points out the public service announcement is ancient history and for Pelosi, that was two faces ago.

* To impress Iowa voters, candidates headed for Des Moines; to dazzle New Hampshire voters, candidates descended on Concord; to influence South Carolina voters, they traveled to Sumter; and now to win over Florida voters, the candidates are all going to Havana.

* The approval rating of the U.S. Congress has reached a new low. Congress is now 2 points below listeria.

* Residents of Blencoe, Iowa, won't have to pay property taxes for one year. Upon hearing this, nearly every Omahan asked, "How far would my commute from Blencoe be?"

* Bedbugs have been discovered inside a UNL residence hall. In keeping with school policy, UNL officials have no plans to kick the bedbugs out of the dorm, unless they're caught using hot plates.

* A Utah school board has denied a school's request to adopt the nickname "Cougars" because it could be offensive to middle-aged women. I wouldn't say the school board may be too politically correct, but it just denied another school's request to be the "Pirates" because "we don't want to insult Somali ship-jackers."

* The Orlando Magic's Glen "Big Baby" Davis received a technical foul for dropping his pants. C'mon, refs, stop nit-picking. Let ‘em play ball.

* On Feb. 3, Vanilla Ice will perform at "'90s Night" during a Detroit Pistons game. This will be the first time a music act was ever upstaged by the groundhog pulled out of a hole the day before.

* A new study asserts that babies learn to talk because they're excellent lip readers. I'd like to take a moment to apologize to all lip-reading babies for Bo Pelini's comments during the fourth quarter of the Capital One Bowl.


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