Omaha native Brad Dickson reviews this week in sports. Dickson is a former writer for “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”
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Idaho has the biggest offensive line in the country, averaging 334 pounds. The toughest thing about coming to town wasn't facing the Huskers, it was Lincoln's restaurant tax.
Idaho was paid $800,000 to come to Lincoln. That works out to only $5 per Nebraska interception return yard.
Against Idaho, Nebraska had eight fumbles and 10 penalties. A note to NU professors: Bo Pelini should be done yelling at the players in time for them to get to class on Wednesday.
Next week's opponent, Washington, has one of the loudest stadiums in the country. To prepare for playing in front of 70,000 screaming, hostile people, at practice Bo is going to pipe in noise from one of Omaha Mayor Jim Suttle's public budget forums.
On Saturday, Kansas upset Georgia Tech, a Top 20 team. Based on head-to-head matchups, I have to rank North Dakota State No. 1 in the nation.
The Fire Turner Gill movement has been postponed indefinitely.
In another big upset, Virginia Tech lost to James Madison, 21-16. Virginia Tech was called for delay of game because players were embarrassed to come out of the huddle with those uniforms.
Injured Huskers Sean Fisher, Will Compton and Mike Smith have been zipping around the sidelines on scooters. Mayor Suttle is trying to figure out a way to make them pay a wheel tax.
The old Herbie Husker is back in a big way. New Herbie is the official mascot. And Lil Red is still around. Bo Pelini said he won't be naming a starting mascot until kickoff.
The soft nonconference schedule is being blamed on Steve Pederson. In his defense, Pederson didn't want to schedule Western Kentucky, but his first choice, the University of Phoenix, had to tell him three times, “We don't have a team. Now would you like to take an online course?”
Lew Perkins is out as the Kansas athletic director, a year ahead of schedule. I think it was cruel the way they told him. Perkins was given a ticket for a flight on a university-owned plane — one way.
During Kansas State's win over UCLA, QB Carson Coffman vomited 10 times. I had the same reaction when I saw Nebraska's 2011 Big Ten schedule.
He vomited 10 times. For once I was glad I didn't get that big-screen, high-definition TV set.
As far as UNO's start to the football season, let's focus on the positives ... hey, how about that videoboard?
The Baltimore Ravens acquired receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh. The Ravens hope to shore up their weakness in consonants.
The Houston Texans signed Matt Leinart. This gives the team some needed clipboard-holding depth.
Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis ended his holdout and signed a four-year contract that will take him through Rex Ryan's next 2 billion profanities.
The demolished New York Giants stadium is still $110 million in debt. Late Friday the body of Jimmy Hoffa was repossessed.
Hours after his car was rammed by a minivan, Tom Brady signed a contract making him the highest paid NFL player. Turns out Bill Belichick arranged for the minivan to ram Brady. Before giving him a contract, he wanted to see if Brady could take a hit from Ndamukong Suh.
There's proof the accident wasn't Brady's fault. Belichick got the whole thing on tape.
A lock of Troy Polamalu's hair is up for auction on eBay. In a related story, Gov. Heineman has come up with a plan to balance the state budget, and he was last seen chasing Taylor Martinez with clipping shears.
Linebacker Cato June, who has a Super Bowl ring, is now an Omaha Nighthawk. Don't get too excited. The last time someone who'd been to a Super Bowl ended up in Nebraska, his name was Bill Callahan.
According to a report, an incoming Kentucky basketball player accepted more than $100,000 in cash and benefits from a Turkish team. Great, now Kentucky is outsourcing recruiting violations.
Two performances of “Sesame Street Live” were canceled at Philips Arena in Atlanta because of the WNBA finals, and producers say in the future they will book arenas where there's zero chance of other events pushing them out. In a related story, it was announced that next year “Sesame Street Live'' begins an 11½-month run at TD Ameritrade Park.
Washington Nationals center fielder Nyjer Morgan has received a seven-game suspension for throwing a ball at a fan. Not only that, Milton Bradley is suing him for identity theft.
Bill “Spaceman” Lee, 63, is making a comeback in the minors. The other night the opposing manager rushed the mound because Lee went to his mouth. Turns out he was just adjusting his dentures.
At the Deutsche Bank Open, Tiger Woods shot a 65 to make him the first golfer whose score was also the number of mistresses he's been linked to.
Tiger took out a $54.5 million mortgage on his waterfront estate in Florida. I remember the old days when to qualify for a mortgage that large you needed a part-time job and a checking account.
It's a two-story house. There's the real story and the story they told the public about what happened last Thanksgiving.
Larry The Cable Guy filmed a show in Monowi, Neb., which has a population of one. Well, actually, the population of Monowi just jumped to two. As soon as his residency becomes official Hal Daub will announce his candidacy for mayor.
Supporters of Mayor Suttle are bragging about how he's putting Omahans back to work. I don't think creating jobs for recall petition takers counts.
And finally: Did you see the uniforms worn by Virginia Tech in the game with Boise State? One person called the uniforms, “Crude, embarrassing and tasteless.” And that was Venus Williams.
— Dickson, an Omaha native, is a former writer for “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”
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