Jessica Dietze looked at the topless photographs and choked up.
Those were her breasts, so much a part of her femininity — her scarred, dimpled breasts.
It felt surreal to be in a New York fashion photographer's studio only months after a double mastectomy and breast reconstruction surgery at age 23.
“It was like I was an outsider looking at myself in those photos,” said Dietze, who lives in Gretna and works in Omaha.
Dietze chose to pose for the black-and-white photos so other young women would understand the risk of breast cancer and know what to expect from surgery. She joined dozens of young women who have participated in David Jay's photo project, the Scar Project. All of the women have had mastectomies or extensive surgery on diseased breasts.
Less than 1 percent of women who have breast cancer are younger than 30 years old. But breast cancer kills young women at a higher rate than older women, said Jennifer Ivanovich, director of the Young Women's Breast Cancer Program at the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis.
“It's the most common cancer in young adult women,” said Ivanovich, whose program is seeking the genetic components of breast cancer in young women. She said women younger than 40 should conduct self-exams monthly and should have annual exams by medical professionals.
Twenty-one Nebraska women younger than 30 had breast cancer from 2003 through 2006, and 40 young Iowa women suffered the disease during that time.
Dietze's experience with breast cancer was highly unusual because she had her mastectomy before cancer was found.
Her breasts had caused her intense pain for several years. She couldn't lie on her stomach and struggled to run, climb stairs and shave her armpits because of fibrocystic breast problems. She was in misery much of the time.
She had undergone surgeries to remove cysts and was sure future surgeries would be required, chipping away at her breasts.
For a woman in her early 20s, a double mastectomy was an awful decision to face. She considered the fact that she'd never be able to breast-feed a baby and that losing her breasts might affect her self-esteem. Despite her fiance's support, she wondered how it would affect him.
She had her breasts removed in November 2008, and reconstructive surgery.
Lab testing then found early stage cancer, and Dietze felt her decision to have the mastectomy was validated.
She began to study breast cancer and found a reference to David Jay's photo project.
Jay wrote on his Web site that he had a young friend who had suffered breast cancer and surgery. “I just imagined what it was like for her,” said Jay, 49. Three years ago he took her photograph, topless and in jeans. He said she suggested he photograph other young women who had endured the disease.
He didn't realize it, but a project had begun. He has taken photos of about 60 young women since then, refining his focus over time to women younger than 30.
“And I'm still shooting,” he said in a phone interview.
Initially he couldn't define what the project was about, he said, but came to see it as an awareness effort.
He didn't know that young women, even teenagers, could get breast cancer. The photos are “a little bit shocking, and as an awareness-raising campaign, it works really well,” he said.
The black-and-white photos are jolting. They include a pregnant woman without her right breast and a young woman without breasts, reaching upward.
Jay hopes to have the photos exhibited in a New York gallery this fall. Assuming he can find sponsors, he will eventually produce a book.
Dietze, whose maiden name is Belt, had to have one of the reconstructed breasts rebuilt because of complications. The whole experience was a battle.
She married her longtime boyfriend, Chris, last May. He supported her through the ordeal.
“Chris loves me for me,” she said. “He's an A-plus man.”
She sold her original wedding dress for something more conservative because she wasn't confident going strapless anymore. The couple had big medical bills and decided not to take a honeymoon.
Ultimately, she said, she came away with breasts that were somewhat acceptable to her. She blends in during everyday life.
“I don't have a mark on my head that says, ‘This 20-something had a mastectomy.'”
Yet the scars are there.
But, she said, “I could be a lot worse off. It could look a lot worse than it does.”
She didn't expect cancer to be found, and she had another scare last fall that turned out to be scar tissue. Some doctors want to do genetic testing to see if she might be at risk of other cancers. She hadn't anticipated these ongoing concerns. For a time, she said, she felt bitter.
“I didn't think I was going to care as much as I do now,” she said.
Dietze, who grew up in Council Bluffs and Underwood, Iowa, e-mailed back and forth with David Jay before deciding to participate in his project. She and her husband flew to New York last September and stayed with one of Chris' relatives.
They went to Jay's studio and rang the doorbell. Dietze worried it would be creepy.
“I was shaking I was so nervous when I first got there,” she recalled. Jay came out with his dog, a Labrador named Snoopy. That scored points with Dietze because she loves dogs and has two of her own.
Jay immediately impressed her with his energy, and he put her at ease with his confidence and caring. He asked a lot of questions and listened to her responses. He had two women in the studio with him — his assistant and a makeup artist, who applied light makeup to Dietze and worked on her hair.
Jay photographed Dietze in his stairwell. She wore low-top black Chuck Taylor basketball shoes and jeans from the Buckle. He encouraged her and told her she looked great.
“It was amazing,” she said. “It was a really awesome experience.”
They stopped at one point to look at some of the photos on his computer. She felt that her face looked pretty, but also that she looked sad, angry. “It doesn't feel like my body anymore,” she said recently.
Jay said there typically is laughter and tears in his photo shoots for the Scar Project.
“It's shocking often for the girls,” he said. “It's just a very honest picture of them.”
He wants to capture their beauty and courage. “The Scar Project is not about dying with breast cancer,” he said. “It's about living with breast cancer.”
Dietze hopes Jay's project will help young women facing breast surgery understand that they're not alone.
She will go to a doctor for an exam every six months for the next five years.
She said she's no hero. She's just a young woman who has been through a medical crisis. She's reminded of it frequently.
“I have scars,” she said. “Big scars.”
Contact the writer:
444-1123, rick.ruggles@owh.com
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