A family's brave new world

Amy Becker walked from the kitchen to the dining room, sat in a wooden chair at the table and took a deep breath.

She was armed and ready.

Her weapons: two bowls of Cream of Wheat, two small oranges and peanut butter toast.

Feeding her new children was a challenge. Fifteen-month-old twins Jean (pronounced Jon with a soft J) and Jeannette have been pretty good about eating most anything. On the flip side, 5-year-old Vialancia is fed just about anything she'll eat as she decides what foods she likes. Breakfast takes a lot longer than it used to.

Amy, a teacher at Brownell-Talbot School, a sixth-grade basketball coach and occasional school theater director, knows what it's like to be pulled in different directions. She's always been a multitasker and a mom who makes “to do” lists, but nothing could have prepared her for her first morning alone with her three beautiful children from Haiti.

The family brought the kids home last month after more than a three-year process, made more difficult by the recent earthquake. They decided to adopt from Haiti after Amy's husband saw the need there during a service trip to the Dominican Republic.

With one hand, Amy dipped a small spoon into a bowl of cereal and reached it over to Jeanette in a highchair on her left. With the other hand, Amy handed a peeled orange to Jean in a highchair on her right.

Across the table was Vialancia, who changed her mind about breakfast just as Amy was getting in the groove of feeding the twins and keeping them happy.

“You don't want your noodles?” Vialancia shook her head. Then she scurried to the fridge, opened it and grabbed a pack of frankfurters.

“You want a hot dog,” Amy said, surprised. “Oui,” Vialancia said in a soft whisper, offering her affirmative in French, one of Haiti's languages.

Amy gave a spoonful of cereal to Jeannette and Jean and went to warm up a hot dog.

As soon as she got up, the twins started to fuss.

Jean screamed, “Ma-ma, Ma-ma.” Jeannette threw an orange slice and piece of bread on the floor.

The family's three dachshunds — Cheddar, Bindy and Rags — didn't mind that.

It was chaos and it was only 7:45 a.m. It took an hour to get the kids fed, not including cleanup.

This recent Thursday morning was about survival for Amy. Her husband, Thomas, had returned to his teaching job at Duchesne Academy after having family leave. Their daughters, Mary Beth, 13, and Anna, 11, who are huge helpers with the children, went back to school after a few sick days.

Though the Beckers couldn't be more excited about their new family, reality was sinking in. Their lives — and their routines — were forever changed.

There's not enough room for everyone to sit down and have a meal together.

Toys, coloring books, highchairs and a playpen now take up a large portion of the space in the family's early 1900s home in Fort Calhoun.

The family had to pack away the decorative glass doors from the colonnade cabinets in the living room, along with Amy's china and collectibles. Stuffed animals, baby books and blocks now line shelves.

And it's a good thing. Jeannette, nicknamed “Bruiser” for her aggressiveness, gets into everything.

Amy and Thomas have shifted their focus completely to the children. It's nearly impossible to find 10 minutes for each other.

And sleep? Well, it's getting better.

Mary Beth and Anna moved to bedrooms in the basement to make room for the children. But they're cool with that. They have been good sports, often helping with laundry, playing with the children and getting them dressed.

Mary Beth even bridges the language barrier with Vialancia, translating French phrases for her parents. She's been studying French in school for four years.

Thomas, 45, and Amy, 39, were matched with Vialancia in 2006 through Holt International, a Christian-based international adoption agency. Last November, they were matched with the twins. They sent the kids care packages as they waited out the grueling process.

Then on Jan. 12, the 7.0-magnitude earthquake devastated Haiti. Amy's heart fell. After an anxiety-filled night, the Beckers learned that their children's orphanage outside Port-au-Prince was safe.

During the first week of February, as they were expecting to finally be united with their three children in Miami, the story took another twist.

Vialancia and Jeannette had boarded the plane from Haiti to Miami, but Jean had been left behind by mistake.

The family was frustrated and exhausted. Amy returned home with the girls, and about a week later, Thomas flew back to Miami and brought Jean home.

Amy and Thomas, who both come from large families, always wanted more than a couple of children. But Amy had been diagnosed with endometriosis, and a few years after giving birth to Anna, she had a hysterectomy. So adoption was always the plan.

Even though it has been stressful, the joy in their new children's eyes makes it all worthwhile.

Jean, who is much calmer than his twin sister, likes to pat backs when he gives hugs. He likes to play peek-a-boo and hang out with Thomas, his “Papa.”

Jeannette can look so sweet when she's cuddled up, sucking her thumb. That can be deceiving, though. Amy can't help but laugh after she gets the toddler out of the dogs' water bowl.

Vialancia's personality is enough to make anyone smile. She loves to giggle and has a great sense of fashion. She loves her pink winter boots and pink sparkly Disney shoes. One recent morning she couldn't decide which shirt to wear because she loved them all. So she wore four shirts that day.

Amy quickly learned that Vialancia keeps her prized possessions close.

Mom found Vialancia's purse full of roast beef and scrambled eggs, two of her favorite foods. On the shelf next to her bed, a shrine of her favorite items, she placed a picture of herself next to a stack of Ritz crackers and her colored markers.

And Nana's “spa treatment” can't be forgotten. Nana is Kathy McCarthy-Braun, Amy's mother.

After breakfast Vialancia sat still on the couch next to Nana, stretched her hands out in front of her face and carefully blew on each of her freshly-painted burgundy fingernails.

She pointed at her feet.

“You want your toenails, too?” Nana asked her.

“Oui.”

Nana pulled off Vialancia's socks and began.

Vialancia's not always so calm. Her inability to communicate has forced her to act like a toddler again because she can't express what she wants, speaking only Haitian Creole and some French.

She sometimes throws six tantrums a day.

Thomas and Amy knew it wasn't going to be easy. Their Catholic faith has kept them strong.

Amy will go back to work in about a week after five weeks of family leave. Vialancia will go to pre-kindergarten at Brownell-Talbot and Nana will care for the twins during the day.

Their lives have already been a whirlwind and it's only the first month.

They know they just have to breathe and take one day at a time.

It's definitely overwhelming at times, but the change has been more than good for the Beckers.

It's a blessing.

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