Dickson: Upon Further Review

Upon Further Review. Lampooning the week in sports. By Brad Dickson

Attendance figures show 86,107 fans watched the Nebraska-Texas Tech game. That's 86,118 if you count the NU offense watching Tech return the fumbled lateral in the first quarter for a TD.

Late in the game, NU went to the No Huddle Offense. It almost had another new thing, the No Touchdown Offense.

Yesterday was another throwback day. NU paid tribute to the Bill Callahan era by playing lousy.

Tech QB Steven Sheffield is 6-foot-4, 175 pounds. NU set a school record, worst loss ever to a guy built like Calista Flockhart.

The officials refused to come talk to Bo Pelini after several questionable calls. They probably realized if they did, college football would need some replacement referees.

Things could have been worse. The game could've been played two weeks from yesterday on Halloween, and NU could've been humiliated by a team coached by a guy in a pirate costume.

Although the game has been over for almost 24 hours, the TV announcers are still saying, “The Huskers have time.”

When Sam Bradford went down yesterday, Oklahoma fans felt a lump in their throats. That was just from the fried butter they ate before the game.

The group attempting to buy the Rams dropped Rush Limbaugh for being too outspoken. Imagine being told you're too outspoken for a league that allows Chad Ochocinco, Terrell Owens and Al Davis. That's like the WWE rejecting you for being too cocky.

The group replaced Limbaugh with someone who's less inflammatory and divisive — Kanye West.

It's just as well. With the current problems, does the NFL really want to worry about an owner failing a drug test?

In Buffalo, a thief stole a statue of Thurman Thomas. Suspects include the Kansas City Chiefs. The Thurman Thomas statue is a bigger threat to score inside the 20 than any of the Chiefs' running backs.

A referee made the first call on “Monday Night Football” in Spanish. There were lots of complaints from the crowd in Miami. Not about the call in Spanish, but about the subsequent 16 calls in English. They had no idea what he was talking about.

There's a rumor that Terrell Owens is going to be traded to the Bears. Question: If Owens, Jay Cutler and Milton Bradley are all in town, does that make Chicago the City of Big Babies?

The Yankees may go with a three-man rotation against the Angels. The three-man rotation is a baseball strategy first made popular by Alyssa Milano.

Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and his wife Jamie McCourt have separated. He sat her down and said, “I'm sorry, you're not on the playoff roster.”

ESPN announced that Brent Musburger and Bob Knight will do the “Big Monday'' Big 12 basketball games this season. Now going back to work is only the second-biggest reason to dread Mondays.

LeBron James and a couple of teammates are being treated as if they have H1N1 flu. Doctors trying to test LeBron are frustrated. Every time they take an MRI, he orders the tape seized.

The WNBA finals on ESPN2 received a rating of 0.4 percent, tying a Science Channel show on the hibernation patterns of the Lithuanian Humpbacked Tree Mouse.

According to a list in The Sporting News, Omaha is only the 111th-best sports city in the country, behind Lincoln at No. 72. Ironically, I just came out with my list of Most Influential Sports Publications of 2009, and The Sporting News is 703rd.

A French nun has been elevated to sainthood, the second-most difficult honor for a human to attain, right after being awarded a Husker Blackshirt.

I took in the Omaha Lancers-Lincoln Stars game. Guys were slammed into boards, there were high sticking, all-out brawls; and that was just the crowd before the game started.

Between Omaha and Lincoln, the Market-To-Market relay was conducted in snowy, icy conditions. I stayed home and participated in the Sofa-To-Sofa event.

President Obama is the surprise winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Runner-up was Kansas Athletic Director Lew Perkins, who kept members of the Kansas football and basketball teams from killing each other.

Ninth-grader Alexis Thompson shared the second-round lead of the LPGA Navistar tournament before faltering. She became the first pro golfer whose official post-tournament comment was “Whatever.”

And finally: Jack LaLanne said at age 95 he's sharp mentally and works out two hours a day. So it sounds as if Florida State just found its next head football coach.

Dickson, an Omaha native, is a former writer for “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”