The Colorado Rockies beat the Seattle Mariners 7-1 during a home game that was briefly halted due to a tornado. You thought Colorado played in a hitters' park before.
Sammy Sosa tested positive for steroids in 2003. The Cubs will have no official comment until they figure out a way to make this '03 disappointment seem like Steve Bartman's fault.
Congress is going to probe Sosa's stint with the Cubs. Congress vs. the Cubs. The organization with the second-longest record for futility being investigated by the institution with the longest.
Sports is a mess. You look at Sosa, A-Rod, Manny Ramirez. The only one to pass a test lately is whoever allegedly took the SAT for Derrick Rose.
A new book about Roger Clemons is 464 pages and has four authors. Even the Clemens book is on steroids.
During a baseball game between Iowa high schools West Burlington and Winfield-Mount Union, the umpire ejected the entire crowd for being unruly. Can we arrange for this ump to officiate Missouri's home basketball games?
Baseball, with nobody watching. It was like the MLB network.
Starting this fall, NU football fans will be able to report poor fan behavior by text message. I plan to report everyone in my section who's text messaging.
Joe Montana's son Nick committed to play college football at Washington. He plans to use his genetic gift for late-game heroics to rally the Huskies to lose 58-3 instead of 58-0.
Troy Aikman has graduated from UCLA 21 years after playing for the Bruins. Aikman also played at Oklahoma. You know what Oklahoma calls it when a football player graduates 21 years after finishing his playing career? “The accelerated program.”
Ryan Leaf posted a $45,000 bond on drug and burglary charges. Authorities feel he's not a threat to run. If they followed his NFL career they know he's not a threat to pass either.
There's a rumor LeBron James may go to the Clippers. Actually, the Clippers are so desperate they offered to trade Chris Kaman and Zac Randolph for the LeBron James puppet.
The Clippers would be a great fit for LeBron. He can snub the opposition by not shaking hands after a loss 60 times a year.
After winning the NBA title, Lakers fans overturned buses, set fires and threw rocks. So their reaction was the same as Laker players when a call goes against them.
The police chief in L.A. blamed the rioting on “a group of knuckleheads.” The Orlando Magic coaching staff is a scapegoat for everything.
There's finally good news for Stan Van Gundy. It's Father's Day, and he's one guy who can use a necktie.
More good news for Van Gundy. He's the winner of the Tony Barone look-alike contest.
Charles Barkley is in trouble for uttering a vulgarity on air. There's one four-letter word I never want to hear from Barkley — golf.
On the premiere of the new Joe Buck Live sports show on HBO, comedian Artie Lange let loose with a profane rant. Because most considered it bad taste, HBO will only be rerunning the show 1,193 times this month, rather than the scheduled 1,195 times.
Today international mediators said that dealing with North Korea is their second-biggest challenge, right after solving that personality conflict on the Marian High basketball team.
Fourteen-year-old volleyball playing twins from Papillion-LaVista South became the youngest athletes to commit to NU. I had a similar experience at 14 when I committed to my first T-ball team.
Tentative plans in Sarpy County call for building the baseball stadium, hockey arena, bars and steak restaurant all on one site. Throw in a golf course and La-Z-Boy recliner store, and no guy will ever have to leave.
The U.S. Open is under way. The field is a combination of pros and amateurs. Sort of like the USC basketball roster.
During a rain delay, golfer Stewart Cink twittered that he found one of Michael Jordan's golf balls (marked with an MJ) in the rough on the 18th. Jordan just played a celebrity challenge at Bethpage Black. It was Cink's lucky day. On his way to the clubhouse, he stumbled upon the basketball Dwight Howard shot during an errant free throw attempt in Game 4 of the NBA finals.
Michael Phelps has written a children's book. Is this the best role model? What's next, a children's book by Manny Ramirez, “The Little Engine That Could After He Did Fertility Drugs”?
And finally: After a long, illustrious career, the San Diego Chicken is talking retirement. He's getting up there. Instead of entertaining kids at minor league games, he just yells at them to stay out of his yard.
Omaha native Brad Dickson is a former writer for “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”
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